The ratio of people to cake is too big!

And now for your enjoyment, Bone channels Milton Waddams from Office Space:

Well I was, I was under the impression that I would, I would be getting Sundays off, and that, that I would only have to work occasionally on Saturdays. And now I’m working almost every Saturday and I told, I told Bill that if this continues, then I’m quitting. And I told Jan, too, because, because they’ve changed my hours. I used to get off in time to see General Hospital, but now I get off later, and I don’t have a TiVo. And I still, I still have five vacation days to take this year. But I haven’t, I haven’t been able to take my days because they keep increasing my daily tasks, but they haven’t increased my pay any. But those are my days, and they better, they better not try to tell me when I can take them, because that’s not OK. And if they try to, then I’ll set the building on fire.

Thank you.

Just know that I was doing my own Milton impersonation out loud as I typed that, and be thankful this is not an audio post.

Yes, I had to work both Saturday and Sunday this weekend. I used to work seven nights a week all the time when I was at the factory. But having at least one day a week off is like urinating with no burning sensation. After awhile you kinda get used to it.

To me, the forty hour work week was instituted as the absolute maximum number of hours that a human being should ever be required to work. I really have no historical documentation to back this up, but I’ve always believed that is what the framers of the law had in mind. I think they figured most of us would only be working twenty or thirty hours, three or four days a week. Because (I’m sure) studies (somewhere) have shown that a happy, well-rested employee is a productive employee. Or at least a happy employee.

Of course, things could always be worse. I could not have internet at work. Or my parents could cut off my weekly supplement. Or there could be no term limits for the President.

Despite the heavily oppressed weekend, I did make it over to Axl’s after work Saturday to watch some football. Highlights included going over to his on-again, off-again girlfriend’s house and letting her dog out for a few minutes. Why he wanted me to come along, I’m not sure.

So there we were, just before sunset in the middle of the neighborhood. Axl was bent over baby-talking the dog trying to get him to “go” in this little ravine. Meanwhile, I was standing about fifty feet away, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible.

About that time, I noticed a lone female jogger coming down the sidewalk. As she passed, I smiled, while behind me in a high-pitched voice, Axl was encouraging the dog to “Go poo poo. Go poo poo.”

There’s really just no way to make that look cool.

“Work, work, work, day after day. Fifty hour week, forty hour pay. No time to get over all this overtime. Yeah, I’m always runnin’, but I’m always runnin’ behind..”

A hat for all seasons

AI played with the colors on my template tonight. The white text on black background was sometimes hard on my eyes. I think this is easier to read. Let me know what you think.

After escorting my aunt to the Loretta Lynn concert last weekend, it was time to return to the pseudo bachelor paradise that is my life this weekend. Which pretty much wholly consisted of Axl and I heading to Tuscaloosa Saturday for the Alabama basketball game.

Upon arriving, I found a parking spot and got out of the car. Axl opened the back door and was getting something out of the back seat. Then he did it.

He replaced the completely normal Crimson Bama cap he had been wearing with a black cowboy hat. This turn of events prompted the following exchange:

“What are you doing?”

“I think I might wear a cowboy hat.”

“Uhh, why?”

I don’t remember his response. And it doesn’t really matter, as no possible valid reason even exists.

Now some of you may be thinking, well it is Alabama, this is probably normal. Let me assure you, no, it is not. I don’t recall ever seeing anyone wearing a cowboy hat at any of the of seventy or so university sporting events I’ve attended over the years. We wear Bama caps and houndstooth hats.

Besides that, I’ve never seen Axl wear a cowboy hat in the twenty-plus years I’ve known him. Not to mention, I don’t want to be seen walking into the game with and sitting beside a guy wearing a cowboy hat. But, that’s what happened.

After watching our beloved Tide lose the game, Buffalo Bill and I began the trek back to the car. It had begun to rain. Just as we got outside the coliseum (I was walking several yards ahead of him, for obvious reasons), he called to me from behind:

“Hey, Bone. After all that has happened to me today…”

Did I mention he got a speeding ticket on the way to meet me? Well, he did. I stopped to see what he was talking about. He was holding something in his hand. It took me a couple of seconds to realize what it was: the heel from one of his boots.

I couldn’t help but laugh. And I also couldn’t resist a couple of sly witticisms. Slapping him on the back, I held out my hand and said, “Here, have a Mentos.”

That was followed a few seconds later by, “Dude, you’re supposed to just break the heel off the other shoe when that happens. Come on, be a woman!”

There’s nothing quite like strolling across a college campus in the rain, with your guy friend in tow, who happens to be donning a cowboy hat and limping along on a boot with no heel. These are the memories that last.

The drive home was rather uneventful. Axl wasn’t talking much. It’s amazing how losing a heel can ruin a guy’s whole day. When we got back to where we’d met, I let him out at his car–well, his girlfriend’s car actually, but that’s another story. I turned around as he opened the back door to get his things.

I had noticed he threw several things in the back seat when he got in the car that morning. What I hadn’t noticed was, included among those things were no less than four hats–two Alabama caps and two cowboy hats.

What?

I struggled to grasp this and tried to think of some possible explanation. But there was none. I mean, why? What guy takes four hats to a ballgame? Who brings four hats anywhere? Finally, I managed to speak.

“You brought four hats?”

“Yeah,” he replied as if this was completely normal human behavior and as if it were odd that I would even ask such a thing.

“Why would you bring four hats?”

“Well, I wasn’t sure what I was gonna wear.”

It was then, just before he closed the door, that I formed and unleashed my last witticism of the day:

“Too bad you didn’t pack an extra pair of shoes.”

Sometimes the blog entries write themselves.

“Stealing a young girl’s heart, just like Gene and Roy. Singing those campfire songs. Oh, I should’ve been a cowboy…”