Two of my favorites

So, I posted almost the exact same thing last year on this date. So what.

Michelle Pfeiffer is 47 today. She is the best. Did you know… both she and I worked at a supermarket earlier in our careers? Of course, from that point, our lives took vastly different paths. But oh well, if circumstances had been different, if I had been a little older, wiser, who knows? I may have taken that promotion to meat cutter all those years ago.

And Jerry Seinfeld is 51 today. I don’t have to tell you how much we have in common. Or how little. Whichever. We both obviously enjoy the challenge of remaining single as long as humanly possible while still being able to attract a somewhat attractive female.

I’ll leave you with Jerry’s monologue on birthdays from The Visa:

“Birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we’ve grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it’s not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end, inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing.”

Your Taste In Music?

I luh th’ 80’s! But then, we already knew that, didn’t we? We need a taste in women quiz.

Your Taste in Music:

80’s Pop: Highest Influence

80’s Rock: High Influence

80’s Alternative: Medium Influence

80’s R&B: Medium Influence

90’s Pop: Medium Influence

90’s Rock: Medium Influence

Adult Alternative: Medium Influence

Country: Medium Influence

Hair Bands: Medium Influence

90’s Alternative: Low Influence

90’s Hip Hop: Low Influence

90’s R&B: Low Influence

Classic Rock: Low Influence

Old School Hip Hop: Low Influence

R&B: Low Influence

How’s Your Taste in Music?

“You know how you said happiness can’t be found looking back? If you don’t mind, maybe we can talk a little more about that…”

And then there were five…

If ever I was going to curse in a blog entry, it would have been this one. That’s one reason I have waited three hours to blog. I really shouldn’t get this wrapped up in a TV show, but I can’t help it. Repeat after me: Scott Savol is among the five remaining finalists for American Idol.

Once you come to terms with that (it’s been several hours and I’m still not there), then you can try and digest this: Scott wasn’t even amongst the bottom three! Constantine is gone. Granted, he was pretty bad this week, but overall, I thought he was still one of the best two or three remaining. With apologies to one of my favorite rappers, that was absolutely ludicrous, a total joke. I know this has always been partly a popularity contest, but they’ve completely made a mockery of it now. They should really change the voting for just one round to where you vote for who you think should be eliminated. Scott would be gone faster than he could shove down a girlfriend.

OK, sorry for being so wound up, but trust me, it was much worse three hours ago.

In good news, we finally got high-speed at work!! Woohoo! It’s almost like being at home, ‘cept I can’t really walk around in my underwear.

And, I got a cool Star Wars light saber plastic spoon in my box of Frosted Flakes today! “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.” I’m on my way, Princess!

“Some things in this world, man, they don’t make sense. Some things you don’t need until they leave you, then they’re things that you miss…”

AI: Super Six

Good late evening, friends and neighbors. I realize I have not posted all day today, but I just figured I would wait and do my American Idol rankings for the evening. Before I begin, here are a couple of helpful cooking tips to your house from ours (Ours=Bone & Rachel Ray):
– When the recipe says “serves 12”, that’s something you should probably make note of, especially if you’re only cooking for two. Do some fractions or something.
– If a recipe calls for peeled shrimp, buy shrimp that’s ALREADY PEELED!!!
– Rice is actually quite sticky, especially after it sits in a pan for an hour or so.

Now, on with my rankings. Tonight’s theme was songs from 2000-present. Not a whole lot to choose from there, and as usual, I had never heard of a couple of the songs. Paula was greatly subdued tonight, almost as if she was in a Ritalin-induced semi-coma.

1. Bo – It wasn’t even close tonight. Bo was far and away the best of the evening. He was rocking! He’s back in his comfort-zone, picked a perfect song for his voice, and was smooth throughout.

2. Vonzell – Seemed like she picked a very hard song to sing. She hit a couple of flat notes early, but overall I thought it was a good performance. She may be the most consistent performer overall since I started watching. Maybe not the best, but the most consistent week-to-week.

3. Carrie – Well, at least she looked much better tonight, and I think she got the words right for once, even though I’m not that familiar with the song. I’ve heard it a few times. Still, it was just OK to me. Besides, how many Martina McBride songs should one person be allowed to sing?! She apparently has one of the largest fan bases, else she would’ve been in the bottom three a couple of times in recent weeks.

4. Anthony – I almost ranked him #3. But that’s more of a reflection on the lack of quality performances than on him. I had never heard this song, even though I used to have a Celine Dion CD, until someone borrowed it and never returned it. But that’s another blog entry for another time. Why would a guy choose to sing a Celine Dion song anyway? He sang well enough again. I just can’t let go of all those weeks of horrible performances, plus he does the exact same move every frickin’ week where he swings his arm out to the side in sort of a sweeping ta-daa motion.

5. Constantine – You know what it seemed like to me? It seemed like he had seen Bo’s performance, and he went out and tried to out-rock Bo. I thought he was trying way too hard, over-performing, and just generally overdoing everything. He doesn’t need to try to be a rocker. He just needs to be who he is.

6. Scott – Wow. That was terrible. I think he’s getting worse. He can’t sing. Period. It’s completely laughable that he is in the top six.

Well, obviously, Scott SHOULD be gone. He should’ve been long gone by now. I could see Anthony leaving, too. I would be shocked if it was someone other than those two getting cut this week, but I’ve been shocked before, so who knows.

“Now why you gotta make it so hard on me? Hey, it’s hard on me, yeah. And I’m sorry, but it’s not a mistake. And I’m running, but you’re getting away…”

Brace yourself

Well, thanks to this little gem, I’m back up and running again. I took a short run last night after church and it really helped my knee pain a lot. Our local 10K is May 21st, so hopefully I will be ready for that. Of course, now I am running with an ankle brace (from last fall’s softball injury) and a knee brace on my left leg. All I need now is a walking cane, a pacemaker, and an orthopedic back pillow, and I’ll be set. Maybe I’ll win a senior’s division age group trophy or something. “Look at me. I’m fallin’ apart here.”

The weekend was mostly uneventful. The weekly bowling, poker, pool group outing was cancelled because Jonathan had a date and someone else was out of town. Maybe next week. I’m itching to get down to the beach. Kyle had the idea to see if Lee and Roy were up for a trip. That would be a fun trip. And of course, if Roy could get the flux capacitor working, then we could spend an entire week at the beach, travel back in time, and not even have to take off work any. Oh, I did find the Fine Young Cannibals greatest hits CD at FYE Friday Night. So, that’s one of the missing CD’s from my collection, along with Milli Vanilli, Roxette, and Robert Palmer. I stopped by the used music store Saturday night, but they didn’t have Milli Vanilli. Of course, who in their right mind would get rid of that CD? It’s gold, Jerry! Gold!

It was a nice sports weekend. Watched some of the draft. Looks like my beloved Cowboys did pretty well, according to the so-called-experts anyway. And the NBA playoffs began. The Bulls are in the freakin’ playoffs!! Not only that, they won yesterday! Can you believe that? I might become a fringe NBA fan again, just to watch Da Bulls.

Afterthought: OK, I know I’m probably too picky. Everyone says it. I admit it. I am very picky when it comes to girls. But, remember this wise old proverb: Picky is as picky does. Wait. No, that’s not it. I just don’t know how to be “not-picky”, you know? I don’t even like the word picky. What am I supposed to do, try and rehabilitate some street whore? Yeah, right. Besides, I’ve already tried that. What? I guess my theory is, I’ll only be considered too picky until I find the right girl. Right?

“You don’t wanna be me when it all goes wrong. You don’t wanna see me with the house lights on. I’m a little too headstrong. Stand tall, I don’t wanna get walked on…”

Seinfeld: Season 4

Seinfeld: Season 4 DVD’s to be released May 17

Yes, Seinfeld fans, this is the season with the contest, the bubble boy, the nipple, the pick, Mulva, the Junior Mint, the cleavage peek, and the outing, just to name a few. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m so happy!! I’m so happy!! This would make a GREAT gift!

“Never been crazy ’bout tomorrow. Never been too big on change. I just like for things to be how they’ve always been. Just like for things to stay the same. Guess I just wanted hang on to today…”

Seinfeld: Season 4

Seinfeld: Season 4 DVD’s to be released May 17

Yes, Seinfeld fans, this is the season with the contest, the bubble boy, the nipple, the pick, Mulva, the Junior Mint, the cleavage peek, and the outing, just to name a few. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m so happy!! I’m so happy!! This would make a GREAT gift!

“Never been crazy ’bout tomorrow. Never been too big on change. I just like for things to be how they’ve always been. Just like for things to stay the same. Guess I just wanted hang on to today…”

randomasiwannabe

AI
I received a few hits in recent days from this site. My blog is occasionally listed in the links on the right side of the page. Kinda cool.

Speaking of American Idol, Paula has been making the headlines recently:
Former Idol Contestant Claims Affair With Abdul

Abdul Denies Drug Rumors

Wow, I guess I wasn’t the only person who thought she was high. And finally, how in the name of Diana Degarmo is Scott Savol still on this show? The top six? Are you kidding me? He should have been gone four or five rounds ago, at least. What, is the mafia voting for him? (Just kidding, guys. Really.)

Fantasy baseball
Well, I should have named my rotisserie league team the Tom Pettys, because they’re freeeeee fallin’. I sank from 6th to 10th (out of 12 teams) after yesterday. It’s still early, so the standings are really volatile. Still, I feel the need to post a Steinbrenner-like message here for my team. Hey Larry Walker, my grandma could hit .217! (Chris Farley Show-esque): Hey, Mister Pujols, remember um, last year when uh, you hit um like .330? And, and, remember two years ago when um, you hit .350? That was great.(/end Farley) My starting pitching is killing me. It’s killing me, Jerry! What in the name of Steve Bedrosian possessed me to pick Oliver Frickin’ Perez? You’d have a better chance of gettin’ guys out by putting a pitching machine on the mound.

Oh, and thanks to Tiffany for the heads up the other night on the Rob Thomas appearance on Leno. I would have completely missed that. I guess I might buy the album. Or wait for some chick to buy it for me. Hmm, yeah, that sounds better.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

“Now you’re doin’ all the things you swore you hated. All that you’ve become is a little more jaded. Yeah well it’s alright, cos breakin’ down is underrated…”

What kind of English do you speak?

(Heisted from Tiffany via Snidget.)

Your Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English

45% Dixie

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

0% Yankee

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

“We could be friends, and I promise that it won’t get bad, but hopefully that story ends. But you ain’t got nothing I never had, so let’s take it slow…”

Know When To Hold ‘Em

OK, it’s time for today’s sociological question: How long should you hold a door open for someone? That is, of course, assuming you hold the door at all.

First, let me give you the background for this question. This morning, I was coming out of the convenience store where I always go in the morning to get some breakfast on my way to work. As I opened the door, there was an older man, probably in his fifties, maybe sixties, approaching. I estimate that he was fifteen to twenty feet away when I opened the door, and by the time I let the door close, he was probably within seven to ten feet. So that leads to the question, should I have held the door for him?

I believe this is a situation which one encounters on an almost daily basis, but it is a situation for which there are no written rules, and it is not often discussed in an open forum. That’s where I come in :-) Before we are able to give a reasonable answer or formulate our own personal door-holding policy, we must first look at several variables and circumstances which can affect how we should handle the door-hold conundrum.

First, there must be some time limit set as to how long you hold the door. After a few seconds, it simply becomes awkward. I would also say, that at least for me, the time limit is different for men and women (see table 4.2 below). Secondly, we must look at the hold-type. For women, I do what I call a FOCOF hold. That’s full-open-clear-out-follow. I open the door fully, clear out of her way, and then allow her to enter first, following her in. Never, I repeat, NEVER do this for a man. It wreaks of non-heterocity. Trust me. For a man, I do a simple pause-and-reach-behind hold. I open the door, pause while holding it open just long enough so that they can catch it. These two hold-types seem to work well for me.

Now, as for the time, this will vary from person to person, and also may vary depending on the sex, age, and hotness of the holdee. As a rule, anything more than five seconds is going to be quite awkward. So, here are my suggestions. (And remember, I’m not an etiquette expert, but I do occasionally read Heloise and listen to the John Tesh radio program.)

————————————————————————————
Table 4.2:Door-hold limits (maximum suggested times listed)
Females: 3-5 seconds (May vary depending on hotness, age, and personal preference.)
Elderly males: 2-3 seconds (The key here is to avoid anyone falling or any broken bones.)
Other males: 1 second (The key here is to avoid appearing gay.)
————————————————————————————

Another way you can help to avoid awkward door-hold situations is to plan ahead. Be prepared. Always be aware of your surroundings. If you foresee an awkward door-holding situation arising in time, there are ways to avoid it. Alter your course. One way you can do this is by pausing to look at something. Another way to do this is by increasing or decreasing your walking pace. Here’s an example: If I’m approaching a store and my ETA at the door is 3 seconds and I see a female approaching with an ETA of 7 seconds, I can slow my pace, making my ETA 5 seconds, leaving me with a less-awkward-looking 2 second hold time. Also, with females, since I do the full-open-clear-out-follow hold, this entire process can take off an extra second or two of possible awkward time.

As with anything you do, you will get better with practice. Try different methods, different holding times and walking speeds. The key is to avoid looking gay, and to find what works best for you. Everyone is bound to have an awkward encounter or two at first, but with time, patience, and lots of practice, you too can become a smooth, polished, and experienced door holder. People will wonder in amazement at how you always seem to arrive at the door at precisely the right time. You will be able to strike up conversations with more women than you ever imagined possible. And really, isn’t that what it’s all about?

“I’ve been unable, to put you down. I’m still learning things I ought to know by now…”