I wasn’t always this way

Dear C,
You had me head over heels. I’ll never forget those summer nights on your parents’ front porch. We learned so much. Sometimes I can almost taste your lips. I miss that innocence. I know we were young. Maybe if we had been a little older. You broke my heart. I’m sorry I held on for so long. I didn’t know what else to do. I’ll always smile whenever I think of you.

Dear C2,
I think your Mom liked me more than you did. That’s usually not a great sign. Thanks for introducing me to Skyline, the local lookout point. It was all very Wally Cleaver-ish, until the police showed up. Once you went off to college, I just never quite fit into your world, with the sorority thing and all.

Dear J,
You were messed up. I thought I could fix you. I liked the idea that I could rescue you. I tried. I couldn’t. There were a lot of lessons learned the hard way. Lessons I didn’t plan to learn again. But any regrets I have are on me, because of things I let happen.

Dear L,
What more can I say? I’ve poured out my heart and written pages and pages about you. Part of me still refuses to admit you weren’t my one. I know it’s pathetic and I’m not proud of it. I became an arrogant jerk towards the end, not realizing it was you who had given me my confidence. My heart will always ache for losing you, but more than that, for hurting you. You will always have a friend here. Thank you for the best days of my life.

Dear M,
We had chemistry, huh? It was good to be in love again. You were never anything but wonderful. Thank you for sharing two years of your life with me. Whatever happened between us was only my fault. It was the start of a disturbing trend where I would get to a certain point and couldn’t go any further. I’m sorry for that. The distance wasn’t easy. You proved you would do anything for love, and I’m so glad you found it. I don’t know what was wrong with me.

Dear J2,
There was always something comfortable about us, about being at your place. Baseball will always remind me of you. The fact is, I could never let myself completely go and I’m sorry. Anything else I could say wouldn’t really matter. By the time you came along, I had taught myself to turn my heart off like a switch. But sometimes I think you could, too. You breaking a date by text message was just my excuse, my way out.

“Could you sympathize with my needs? I know you think I need a lot. Started out clean, but I’m jaded. Just phonin’ it in…”