Man Versus Machine

I considered blogging in pig latin today, in honor of The Office last night. Ut-bay, I-ay, ecided-day, o-tay, are-spay, ou-yay…

The CD player in my car decided to stop working Saturday. After a few frustrating moments of me inserting CD’s and it continaully rejecting them and displaying a “Check CD” message on the LCD, I finally surrendered. At some point, the CD player evidently must have taken on human qualities because I began speaking to it.

Later, a friend of mine noticed that the CD player was still making noises, even after I’d turned the car off. I stopped singing and listened closely, and sure enough, it sounded like it was trying to load a CD even after I had turned off the radio and removed the keys.

Well, I thought it would stop after awhile, or at least after sitting overnight. But nope. When I got in the car Sunday, the CD player was still making those same noises. And it was still showing the “Check CD” message when I started the car. I began to be concerned that this continual “running” would eventually drain my battery.

But it was fine for the next few days, so I wasn’t too worried about it. I figured that I would either try and find someone who could fix my CD player. Or that I would buy a new one and install it myself. Since we all know that I have no problems doing that. Besides, the radio and cassette player still worked. So I could still listen to my Milli Vanilli, Donna Lewis, and Deep Blue Something cassettes.

Then Thursday morning when I got out to my car, (I think we all know where this is going), I pressed the unlock button on my high-tech remote keyless entry thingie. And nothing happened. It’s the first time that had ever happened. What do I do?

I admit, I panicked for a few brief seconds. Then I remembered something my Dad told me. He said, “Son, when I was growing up, to get into the car, we had to stick the key into the lock and turn… in the pouring rain or a foot of snow, yada yada yada.”

That’s when it hit me. I held the key! Me! I was reminded of that old Eagles’ song. So often times it happens, that our remote keyless entry doesn’t work, and we never even know we have the key…

But I digress. I did manage to unlock the door, but then as I had feared, the car wouldn’t crank. So I called my mother. Isn’t that what everyone does when their car won’t start? She came over and jumped me off.

Unfortunately, the CD player was still possessed. And I knew that it was going to drag the battery down again eventually. So when I got to work, I decided to take out the fuse that goes to the radio. (I thought that was pretty clever.) I listened. The CD player wasn’t making any noises.

After work, my car started fine. But I left the fuse out. Driving home with the radio completely dark was eerie. And by this point, I figured I was definitely going to have to purchase a new car stereo. Because, let’s face it, False Messiah can’t roll without his tunes.

Then when I was leaving to go running yesterday evening, something came over me. I don’t know if it was the kinship of all living things, or that voice in my head saying, “Put the fuse in.” But I put the fuse back in. The “Check CD” message was gone! The CD player wasn’t making noises!

And then, deciding it was now or never, I inserted a CD into the player. And waited. And hoped. For what seemed like seconds. Then I heard it. Simon Le Bon wailing, “Please please tell me now!” Yes! It worked!

It’s a pre-Festivus miracle!

“I know you’re watching me every minute of the day, yeah. I see the signs and the looks and the pictures that give your game away…”