The survival guide inside my head

One day last week after work, I was walking across the parking lot to check my mail. Without bothering to look, I could tell that a car had slowed down and come to a stop right in front of the parking lot. I figured they were waiting for oncoming traffic to clear so that they could turn left. But no.

Before I reached the mailbox, I heard a car door open and a voice yell, “Hey! Get off my a–!”

This caused me to finally look over, and I saw that a car had come to a complete stop right in the middle of a wet, rather busy two-lane street. The driver had his head out the door glaring at the guy behind him.

I was just waiting for shots to be fired or something. So I pondered what I would do, you know, if it all started going down right there.

I figured my best hope would be to dive onto the concrete. Then using skills I learned playing in driveway culverts when I was eight years old, I would belly crawl until I found cover behind the nearest car in the parking lot. Once there, I would try and call for help on my cell phone.

Fortunately, my emergency plan of action wasn’t needed in this case. The irate driver closed his door and started going again. And the car behind him revved up its engine and rode his tail all the way down the street. Mission accomplished, Ace.

But this isn’t a post about road rage or making oneself look like a total idiot while endangering the lives of those around you. Although those topics deserve their fair share of attention.

No, this is a post about what was going on inside my head as the situation unfolded. And how I often think thru possible worst-case scenarios like this. There are many other examples.

When I’m running in the park, if it’s after dark, there usually aren’t many other people on the track. A couple of times I’ve been the only one. And I often think, what would I do if someone jumped out of the darkness and attacked me?

For some reason, the first thing that always comes to mind is that I would throw my keys into the woods. That way, they couldn’t steal my car. Although just thinking about it now, throwing my car keys into the woods somehow doesn’t seem quite as brilliant as it does when I’m running.

And I always think that even though I’ve been running and I’m quite tired, that my assailant is probably out of shape, and I could still outrun them to the road and flag down a passing car for help.

One night last week I was coming out of Wal-Mart. There’s been a rash of robberies in the Wal-Mart parking lot lately. So I started thinking, what if someone jumped me right now? What would I do?

I’ve always thought there’s no way I would just hand my wallet over to a thief. That most are cowards who don’t want to shoot anyone, so I’d make them fight for it. That’s probably stupid. And I’ve probably seen one too many Jason Morgan escapes for my own good.

But still, I think things like, “I have my cell phone in my hand. If I hit them in the head with it, that’ll probably knock them out.” Would it? Who knows. But that’s what I think about anyway.

And there you have it. A look inside my head. Something tells me I should spend more time pondering things like what I would say if I encountered a cute girl. I guess it all goes back to something I learned at the only boy scout meeting I ever attended. Be prepared.

Does anyone else ever think about such things?

“I was flying, just like a track star. Dying, nah, I ran through the back yard. Trying to get into my building…”