Fun with wood and screws

Pseudo live-blogging the assembling of my new computer desk from Monday afternoon.

2:10 PM – I decide to try and put together my shiny new computer desk. (Some assembly required.)

2:27 PM – I have all the parts out of the box. That only took seventeen minutes. Not bad.

2:28 PM – There’s little pieces of white styrofoam all over the floor. I’ll have to vacuum when this is done. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I have many friends who vacuum. What the crap am I even talking about?

2:29 PM – Pondering whether or not to attempt the assembly without instruction manual. Aaah, who needs instructions! (Kidding.)

2:30 PM – Wow! That’s a lot of screws!

2:31 PM – I just realized something. I don’t own an electric screwdriver. This is gonna be great!

2:32 PM – If only I was on Home Improvement, I could just be like, “Could you bring me an electric screwdriver, Heidi?” Maybe I’ll try it anyway.

2:33 PM – Didn’t work.

2:50 PM – Page one of eleven in the instruction manual completed. That wasn’t so bad. Manuel Labor lives on!

3:06 PM – Page 4. There seem to be more steps on each page now. Lots of screwing, tapping, brackets, and compression dowels. Can you smell the testosterone?

3:07 PM – I hope that’s testosterone.

3:28 PM – Now it’s beginning to look like something:

3:42 PM – Screw #38 of 86. Getting blisters on my right hand. Kinda reminds me of playing Nintendo until 3 AM when I was little and my right thumb would be blistered and eventually calloused from pressing the A & B buttons. RBI Baseball, baby!

3:43 PM – Too much manual screwing. Definitely need a battery-powered device.

3:56 PM – The Memphis/Akron football game is on TV. Akron is in a bowl game? I can think of no other single fact to better illustrate that there are way too many college bowl games than that.

3:59 PM – Lil Booty just called. Dinner at 6:30 at Cracker Barrell. Which means I have less than two hours if I want to finish this up before going to dinner.

4:10 PM – Wondering what I’ll order. Perhaps the fried catfish filet. Or meatloaf maybe. And definitely getting hashbrown casserole as one of my sides. They have the best salads. Maybe I’ll eat light and save room for blackberry cobbler for dessert. Mmmm, I’m hungry.

4:19 PM – I wonder what the AAT is on this. (Average Assembly Time.) I’m sure I’m blowing it out of the water. One way or the other.

4:29 PM – Instead of saying “Serenity Now,” I like to sing “Puff the Magic Dragon” during times of extreme stress, such as repeatedly dropping screws, scratching paint off the wall of my home with cumbersome raw materials, etc. I find it very soothing.

4:36 PM – Remember Roller Derby? I used to like watching that when they would show it on ESPN. Like back in the 80’s. The Thunderbirds. Wasn’t that one of the teams?

4:45 PM – I’ve had like ten phone calls just since I started working!! Bone is gettin’ upset!

4:49 PM – ARGH!!! The screws keep falling off my supposedly magnetic screwdriver!!

4:50 PM – Puff the magic dragon, lives by the sea…

4:57 PM – Hmm, this is interesting. I seem to have used the screws that I need right now about an hour ago. Oops! I’m sure it’ll be fine.

5:06 PM – Last step on page 10: “Tighten all screws on complete unit to ensure stability.” Pffffffttt!!! Whatever.

5:25 PM – Done! Just a handful of screws and one piece of wood leftover. Not bad. Who’s your daddy!!! (Did I really just say that out loud?)

Whew, that was quite exhilarating. I suddenly feel the need for a cigarette, which is quite odd considering I’ve never smoked.

“Sit here on the stairs cos I’d rather be alone. If I can’t have you right now, I’ll wait dear…”

Fun with wood and screws

Pseudo live-blogging the assembling of my new computer desk from Monday afternoon.

2:10 PM – I decide to try and put together my shiny new computer desk. (Some assembly required.)

2:27 PM – I have all the parts out of the box. That only took seventeen minutes. Not bad.

2:28 PM – There’s little pieces of white styrofoam all over the floor. I’ll have to vacuum when this is done. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I have many friends who vacuum. What the crap am I even talking about?

2:29 PM – Pondering whether or not to attempt the assembly without instruction manual. Aaah, who needs instructions! (Kidding.)

2:30 PM – Wow! That’s a lot of screws!

2:31 PM – I just realized something. I don’t own an electric screwdriver. This is gonna be great!

2:32 PM – If only I was on Home Improvement, I could just be like, “Could you bring me an electric screwdriver, Heidi?” Maybe I’ll try it anyway.

2:33 PM – Didn’t work.

2:50 PM – Page one of eleven in the instruction manual completed. That wasn’t so bad. Manuel Labor lives on!

3:06 PM – Page 4. There seem to be more steps on each page now. Lots of screwing, tapping, brackets, and compression dowels. Can you smell the testosterone?

3:07 PM – I hope that’s testosterone.

3:28 PM – Now it’s beginning to look like something:

3:42 PM – Screw #38 of 86. Getting blisters on my right hand. Kinda reminds me of playing Nintendo until 3 AM when I was little and my right thumb would be blistered and eventually calloused from pressing the A & B buttons. RBI Baseball, baby!

3:43 PM – Too much manual screwing. Definitely need a battery-powered device.

3:56 PM – The Memphis/Akron football game is on TV. Akron is in a bowl game? I can think of no other single fact to better illustrate that there are way too many college bowl games than that.

3:59 PM – Lil Booty just called. Dinner at 6:30 at Cracker Barrell. Which means I have less than two hours if I want to finish this up before going to dinner.

4:10 PM – Wondering what I’ll order. Perhaps the fried catfish filet. Or meatloaf maybe. And definitely getting hashbrown casserole as one of my sides. They have the best salads. Maybe I’ll eat light and save room for blackberry cobbler for dessert. Mmmm, I’m hungry.

4:19 PM – I wonder what the AAT is on this. (Average Assembly Time.) I’m sure I’m blowing it out of the water. One way or the other.

4:29 PM – Instead of saying “Serenity Now,” I like to sing “Puff the Magic Dragon” during times of extreme stress, such as repeatedly dropping screws, scratching paint off the wall of my home with cumbersome raw materials, etc. I find it very soothing.

4:36 PM – Remember Roller Derby? I used to like watching that when they would show it on ESPN. Like back in the 80’s. The Thunderbirds. Wasn’t that one of the teams?

4:45 PM – I’ve had like ten phone calls just since I started working!! Bone is gettin’ upset!

4:49 PM – ARGH!!! The screws keep falling off my supposedly magnetic screwdriver!!

4:50 PM – Puff the magic dragon, lives by the sea…

4:57 PM – Hmm, this is interesting. I seem to have used the screws that I need right now about an hour ago. Oops! I’m sure it’ll be fine.

5:06 PM – Last step on page 10: “Tighten all screws on complete unit to ensure stability.” Pffffffttt!!! Whatever.

5:25 PM – Done! Just a handful of screws and one piece of wood leftover. Not bad. Who’s your daddy!!! (Did I really just say that out loud?)

Whew, that was quite exhilarating. I suddenly feel the need for a cigarette, which is quite odd considering I’ve never smoked.

“Sit here on the stairs cos I’d rather be alone. If I can’t have you right now, I’ll wait dear…”