My Kingdom for a Throne?

I hope you all made it through the big blogspot outage last night OK. Early reports include only a few scattered suicides. Although quite a few computers were destroyed beyond repair. It served as a reminder to me to back up my stuff. Sitting there last night, without any blogs to surf, I was really feeling confused and disoriented, like a little boy waking up in the morning at Neverland. I tried to remember what I did before blogs. Ended up going to bed around 10:30, earlier than I have in months and months.

Someday I might be married. Someday I might have kids. But at 4:30 yesterday, I was standing at the ironing board, dressed in boxers, socks, and a long-sleeved black shirt that I’d worn to work. And those things seemed a million miles away. So I began to ponder, why is the ironing board tapered on one end? I never use the small end. Always the wide end. I mean, you can’t slip a pant leg on there. I don’t think. Someone later told me that it was for the shoulders of shirts or something. Really? It’s hard for me to grasp that the entire ironing board design was altered just so that our shoulders wouldn’t be wrinkled. Why not include a couple of extendable prongs on the wide end that we can slip a pair of pants on, and iron them more easily? I detest ironing. I find it tedious and painstaking.

Yesterday morning at work, there was water standing in the front office. I thought the roof might have leaked, as it is prone to do here in the compound. Turns out one of the toilets was leaking. Ugh. We have two bathrooms at work, so the secretary told me that the right one was leaking, so we could only use the one on the left. Then around 1:00 yesterday afternoon, she comes in and tells us that it turns out the line is stopped up outside, so we can no longer use either of the bathrooms for the rest of the day. As she told us, I was just finishing the Mountain Dew I’d had with lunch. As I screwed the top on it, I said, “Well I guess I’ll save my bottle then.” The ladies got a big laugh out of that. The restrooms are still out of order today!! Such is life here at Branch Davidian East.

Got into a conversation last night with a female about this topic:
Me: “Women can’t pee into a bottle, can they?”
Her: “No.”
Me: “So you have no control over it?”
Her: “No, it just goes everywhere. Have you never seen a woman pee?”
(Aha! Let’s see you stand and not hit the seat.)
Me: “Only on the internet.”
Her: “On the internet?”
Me: “I’m kidding.”
Her: “That’s why when we have to pee in a cup at the doctor’s office, it always gets on our hand.”
Me: “You can’t just stick the bottle right up to where it comes out?”
Her: “I’m not really sure exactly where it comes out.”
Me: “Really?”
Her: “Maybe if it was one of those wide-mouth Aquafina bottles. Hey, do you want to hear a really horrible story that I’ve never told anyone?”
(Now who’s gonna say no to that? Nah, keep it to yourself!)

So, ladies, I must say that from what I know, I’ve come to the conclusion that when it comes to urinating, men definitely have the advantage. The only advantage I see to being a woman in this department is that all your stalls in public restrooms are divided. Well, as far as I know anyway. So give us our due. You may be the fairer sex. OK, let’s face it, you are. By far. You’re better at asking for directions. Better at matching socks and just matching outfits in general. Probably better at remembering dates and such. You look much better in lingerie (although this guy might not think so). And I’m sure the list could go on and on.

But today I must stake this claim. Men are number one, when it comes to… well, number one.

One day I shall look back upon this post with great pride, I am sure. Right now, I have to go. No, I really have to go…

“All I want to do is see you again. Is that too much to ask for? I just want to see your sweet smile, smiled the way it was before…”

My Kingdom for a Throne?

I hope you all made it through the big blogspot outage last night OK. Early reports include only a few scattered suicides. Although quite a few computers were destroyed beyond repair. It served as a reminder to me to back up my stuff. Sitting there last night, without any blogs to surf, I was really feeling confused and disoriented, like a little boy waking up in the morning at Neverland. I tried to remember what I did before blogs. Ended up going to bed around 10:30, earlier than I have in months and months.

Someday I might be married. Someday I might have kids. But at 4:30 yesterday, I was standing at the ironing board, dressed in boxers, socks, and a long-sleeved black shirt that I’d worn to work. And those things seemed a million miles away. So I began to ponder, why is the ironing board tapered on one end? I never use the small end. Always the wide end. I mean, you can’t slip a pant leg on there. I don’t think. Someone later told me that it was for the shoulders of shirts or something. Really? It’s hard for me to grasp that the entire ironing board design was altered just so that our shoulders wouldn’t be wrinkled. Why not include a couple of extendable prongs on the wide end that we can slip a pair of pants on, and iron them more easily? I detest ironing. I find it tedious and painstaking.

Yesterday morning at work, there was water standing in the front office. I thought the roof might have leaked, as it is prone to do here in the compound. Turns out one of the toilets was leaking. Ugh. We have two bathrooms at work, so the secretary told me that the right one was leaking, so we could only use the one on the left. Then around 1:00 yesterday afternoon, she comes in and tells us that it turns out the line is stopped up outside, so we can no longer use either of the bathrooms for the rest of the day. As she told us, I was just finishing the Mountain Dew I’d had with lunch. As I screwed the top on it, I said, “Well I guess I’ll save my bottle then.” The ladies got a big laugh out of that. The restrooms are still out of order today!! Such is life here at Branch Davidian East.

Got into a conversation last night with a female about this topic:
Me: “Women can’t pee into a bottle, can they?”
Her: “No.”
Me: “So you have no control over it?”
Her: “No, it just goes everywhere. Have you never seen a woman pee?”
(Aha! Let’s see you stand and not hit the seat.)
Me: “Only on the internet.”
Her: “On the internet?”
Me: “I’m kidding.”
Her: “That’s why when we have to pee in a cup at the doctor’s office, it always gets on our hand.”
Me: “You can’t just stick the bottle right up to where it comes out?”
Her: “I’m not really sure exactly where it comes out.”
Me: “Really?”
Her: “Maybe if it was one of those wide-mouth Aquafina bottles. Hey, do you want to hear a really horrible story that I’ve never told anyone?”
(Now who’s gonna say no to that? Nah, keep it to yourself!)

So, ladies, I must say that from what I know, I’ve come to the conclusion that when it comes to urinating, men definitely have the advantage. The only advantage I see to being a woman in this department is that all your stalls in public restrooms are divided. Well, as far as I know anyway. So give us our due. You may be the fairer sex. OK, let’s face it, you are. By far. You’re better at asking for directions. Better at matching socks and just matching outfits in general. Probably better at remembering dates and such. You look much better in lingerie (although this guy might not think so). And I’m sure the list could go on and on.

But today I must stake this claim. Men are number one, when it comes to… well, number one.

One day I shall look back upon this post with great pride, I am sure. Right now, I have to go. No, I really have to go…

“All I want to do is see you again. Is that too much to ask for? I just want to see your sweet smile, smiled the way it was before…”