Prime Cuts of Bone

“I need to tell you something, before you hear it from someone else.”

An ex-girlfriend of mine said this to me the other day. Just out of the blue. I’m thinking, “Oh crap! What could it be?” My first thought was that she was pregnant. She’s not. (Whew.) But really, when someone makes that statement to you, can it be anything but bad?

OK, so much for the random insert. In other news, Rick Springfield is returning to General Hospital. Thanks to Pia for the heads-up on that. Now on with today’s entry…

Once upon a time in the vast annals of the blogosphere, a single, straight male from parts unknown began to blog. Armed with a rather expansive knowledge of song lyrics and an affinity for Seinfeld… Er, anyway, I have wanted to do this for awhile. So tonight I scanned thru my archives to find what I hope are some of my better posts. I’m planning to put a “Selected Posts” section on my sidebar linking to a few of these. Is it vain to do this? I think it’s a good way for newer readers to get to know me. Also, for many months after I started blogging, I had just a few readers, and even fewer comments. So this is a way to reintroduce a few of those scarcely read posts. Here are some of the ones I’m thinking of including. A sampling of Bone, if you will:

Urinalysis (Oct. ’05)
Little Mary Phagan (Oct. ’05)
The Tradition (Aug. ’05)
Unmelted Snow (Aug. ’05)
When Two Become One (Aug. ’05)
The Box (Aug. ’05)
The First Girl I Ever Called (Jul. ’05)
My Old Man (Jul. ’05)
LaGrange (Jul. ’05)
That City (Jun. ’05)
Slow Down (May ’05)
Opryland Historical Tours (Apr. ’05)
Know When To Hold ‘Em (Apr. ’05)
Days Like This (Aug. ’04)
Invaluable Moments (Jul. ’04)
Friends and Doughnuts (Dec. ’03)

OK, Charlize is on Letterman. So I’m off to watch her…

“So you stole my world. Now I’m just a phony. Remembering the girl, leaves me down and lonely. Send it in a letter. Make yourself feel better…”

Prime Cuts of Bone

“I need to tell you something, before you hear it from someone else.”

An ex-girlfriend of mine said this to me the other day. Just out of the blue. I’m thinking, “Oh crap! What could it be?” My first thought was that she was pregnant. She’s not. (Whew.) But really, when someone makes that statement to you, can it be anything but bad?

OK, so much for the random insert. In other news, Rick Springfield is returning to General Hospital. Thanks to Pia for the heads-up on that. Now on with today’s entry…

Once upon a time in the vast annals of the blogosphere, a single, straight male from parts unknown began to blog. Armed with a rather expansive knowledge of song lyrics and an affinity for Seinfeld… Er, anyway, I have wanted to do this for awhile. So tonight I scanned thru my archives to find what I hope are some of my better posts. I’m planning to put a “Selected Posts” section on my sidebar linking to a few of these. Is it vain to do this? I think it’s a good way for newer readers to get to know me. Also, for many months after I started blogging, I had just a few readers, and even fewer comments. So this is a way to reintroduce a few of those scarcely read posts. Here are some of the ones I’m thinking of including. A sampling of Bone, if you will:

Urinalysis (Oct. ’05)
Little Mary Phagan (Oct. ’05)
The Tradition (Aug. ’05)
Unmelted Snow (Aug. ’05)
When Two Become One (Aug. ’05)
The Box (Aug. ’05)
The First Girl I Ever Called (Jul. ’05)
My Old Man (Jul. ’05)
LaGrange (Jul. ’05)
That City (Jun. ’05)
Slow Down (May ’05)
Opryland Historical Tours (Apr. ’05)
Know When To Hold ‘Em (Apr. ’05)
Days Like This (Aug. ’04)
Invaluable Moments (Jul. ’04)
Friends and Doughnuts (Dec. ’03)

OK, Charlize is on Letterman. So I’m off to watch her…

“So you stole my world. Now I’m just a phony. Remembering the girl, leaves me down and lonely. Send it in a letter. Make yourself feel better…”

The tin man

(Note: This entry is not about her. Just wanted to clarify that.)

“As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don’t know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.”

Some people have a problem opening up. Some stay emotionally detached. I used to feel sorry for those people. I used to think what a sad life that must be. But perhaps I am the one with the problem. It has almost always been easy for me to open up. To express my feelings. What’s in my heart. Too easy, I’m beginning to think.

When you open yourself up, and allow someone else to come inside, there’s almost no limit to the damage they can do. So I can understand all those people who don’t let anyone in, who treat it all as just a game. I even tried that for awhile. I’m not sure if it was by choice, or some sort of defense mechanism. Probably a bit of both, but more the latter. I did that for a couple of years. I dated girls, but kept myself from getting attached. Then when something happened, it honestly didn’t bother me.

I used to feel sorry for those people. I used to think how sad it must be to never feel. Now? I’m not so sure anymore. Maybe there was a time when they did open up. Gave everything they had. And lost it.

Now here I sit. Empty. Jaded. Doubting my own instincts.

When I looked at her, for the first time in my life, I saw the future. At least… I thought I did. It seemed so clear. So real. How can a heart be so badly mistaken?

I’d been wrong before. And I’m sure I’ll be wrong again.

But I hope that I won’t be that wrong anymore.

“We call them weak, who are unable to resist, the slightest chance love might exist. And for that, forsake it all…”

The tin man

(Note: This entry is not about her. Just wanted to clarify that.)

“As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don’t know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.”

Some people have a problem opening up. Some stay emotionally detached. I used to feel sorry for those people. I used to think what a sad life that must be. But perhaps I am the one with the problem. It has almost always been easy for me to open up. To express my feelings. What’s in my heart. Too easy, I’m beginning to think.

When you open yourself up, and allow someone else to come inside, there’s almost no limit to the damage they can do. So I can understand all those people who don’t let anyone in, who treat it all as just a game. I even tried that for awhile. I’m not sure if it was by choice, or some sort of defense mechanism. Probably a bit of both, but more the latter. I did that for a couple of years. I dated girls, but kept myself from getting attached. Then when something happened, it honestly didn’t bother me.

I used to feel sorry for those people. I used to think how sad it must be to never feel. Now? I’m not so sure anymore. Maybe there was a time when they did open up. Gave everything they had. And lost it.

Now here I sit. Empty. Jaded. Doubting my own instincts.

When I looked at her, for the first time in my life, I saw the future. At least… I thought I did. It seemed so clear. So real. How can a heart be so badly mistaken?

I’d been wrong before. And I’m sure I’ll be wrong again.

But I hope that I won’t be that wrong anymore.

“We call them weak, who are unable to resist, the slightest chance love might exist. And for that, forsake it all…”

The vacuum monologues

Thanks to Pia for mentioning me on her site the other day. I only wish that I would’ve had a better post up for people to see if they clicked over :-) If you haven’t read Courting Destiny, you should check it out. I love her tales of New York, past and present. And her writing is truly splendid. Now, on with today’s entry…

I push the loud, unwieldy contraption across the carpet, taking care to run it over every visible piece of dirt, dust, and debris. Trying to complete the task as quickly as possible. I hate loud noises. Vacuums, lawn mowers, anything that is loud. When I was little, and Mom would start to vacuum, I’d go to another room or outside. I hate yelling. I like music loud sometimes. But that’s about it. I see a piece of something over by the recliner. I run the machine over it once, twice, three times. It’s still there. I reach down to pick up the stubborn item, as if it is purposely not cooperating. I examine it as if trying to decide why it won’t “go,” then inexplicably decide to toss it back on the floor and give the vacuum one more chance…

I really need help cleaning. Not cleaning so much. I can do (most) all the tasks. I just don’t know what to do, or how often to do it. I noticed some dust the other day on the little baseboards at the bottom of the wall. I mean, how often do you clean those? What about the refrigerator? How often do you clean the inside of it? And dusting. Is it OK to dust shelves with a feather duster, or should I take all the items off and spray it with Endust everytime? (Lass, remember when you made this offer?) Someone should write a cleaning manual or something, sort of like a car maintenance schedule. Daily tasks, every other day, bi-weekly, weekly, monthly, etc.

“Any fashion, grooming, cooking, cleaning, courting, whatever advice you need, I’m happy to throw in my two cents.” Lass, remember when you made this offer? ;-)

Got called into work Saturday, the only blip on an otherwise wonderful, relaxing weekend. Sitting around yesterday, I realized Bunny had been home from South Carolina all week and I still hadn’t seen her. So I called her and we went out to dinner at Oh Bryan’s. (If only it was always that easy.) We went by Wal-Mart, then I brought her back here to show her my place. That actually gave me motivation to clean yesterday. After that, I went to hang out with some other friends. Ended up not getting home until a little after 5:00 this morning. So it was a good night. Or a bad night. Depending on your definition :-) I really needed to unwind, and that sure was a lot of unwinding. Although I’d never played pool like that before ;-)

I can scarcely read thru a blog entry anymore that I’m not reminded of something from some episode of Seinfeld. Not sure what that means, and don’t want to analyze too deeply. “The Wink” was on the other night. Kramer tries to get an autographed birthday card back from a little boy in the hospital. A few lines:

Kramer: “Alright. What if I tell Paul O’Neill to hit a home run tomorrow, just for you?”
Kid: “Paul O’Neill would do that?”
Kramer: “For you, he would.”
Kid: “Would he hit two home runs?”
Kramer: “Two? Uh.. sure kid, yeah. But then you gotta promise you’ll do something for me.”
Kid: “I know. Get out of this bed and walk again.”
Kramer: “Yeah, that would be nice, but I really just need this card.”

(later)
Kramer: “Oh, by the way, George. Tomorrow night, Paul O’Neill has to catch a fly ball in his hat.”

OK, just finished up my shrimp lo mein and egg rolls. Gonna put the leftovers in the fridge and maybe get in bed early. As I was telling someone earlier this evening, when I was a kid, I hated leftovers. Now, as a bachelor, leftovers are like sacred treasure. Then after I said that, I wondered what exactly is sacred treasure. Oh well. My fortune tonight? “A cheerful letter or message is on its way to you.” Oh yeah? Well, it better be pretty freakin’ cheerful.

“We cannot live together. We cannot live apart. That’s the situation. We’ve known it from the start. Everytime that I look at you, I can see the future…”

The vacuum monologues

Thanks to Pia for mentioning me on her site the other day. I only wish that I would’ve had a better post up for people to see if they clicked over :-) If you haven’t read Courting Destiny, you should check it out. I love her tales of New York, past and present. And her writing is truly splendid. Now, on with today’s entry…

I push the loud, unwieldy contraption across the carpet, taking care to run it over every visible piece of dirt, dust, and debris. Trying to complete the task as quickly as possible. I hate loud noises. Vacuums, lawn mowers, anything that is loud. When I was little, and Mom would start to vacuum, I’d go to another room or outside. I hate yelling. I like music loud sometimes. But that’s about it. I see a piece of something over by the recliner. I run the machine over it once, twice, three times. It’s still there. I reach down to pick up the stubborn item, as if it is purposely not cooperating. I examine it as if trying to decide why it won’t “go,” then inexplicably decide to toss it back on the floor and give the vacuum one more chance…

I really need help cleaning. Not cleaning so much. I can do (most) all the tasks. I just don’t know what to do, or how often to do it. I noticed some dust the other day on the little baseboards at the bottom of the wall. I mean, how often do you clean those? What about the refrigerator? How often do you clean the inside of it? And dusting. Is it OK to dust shelves with a feather duster, or should I take all the items off and spray it with Endust everytime? (Lass, remember when you made this offer?) Someone should write a cleaning manual or something, sort of like a car maintenance schedule. Daily tasks, every other day, bi-weekly, weekly, monthly, etc.

“Any fashion, grooming, cooking, cleaning, courting, whatever advice you need, I’m happy to throw in my two cents.” Lass, remember when you made this offer? ;-)

Got called into work Saturday, the only blip on an otherwise wonderful, relaxing weekend. Sitting around yesterday, I realized Bunny had been home from South Carolina all week and I still hadn’t seen her. So I called her and we went out to dinner at Oh Bryan’s. (If only it was always that easy.) We went by Wal-Mart, then I brought her back here to show her my place. That actually gave me motivation to clean yesterday. After that, I went to hang out with some other friends. Ended up not getting home until a little after 5:00 this morning. So it was a good night. Or a bad night. Depending on your definition :-) I really needed to unwind, and that sure was a lot of unwinding. Although I’d never played pool like that before ;-)

I can scarcely read thru a blog entry anymore that I’m not reminded of something from some episode of Seinfeld. Not sure what that means, and don’t want to analyze too deeply. “The Wink” was on the other night. Kramer tries to get an autographed birthday card back from a little boy in the hospital. A few lines:

Kramer: “Alright. What if I tell Paul O’Neill to hit a home run tomorrow, just for you?”
Kid: “Paul O’Neill would do that?”
Kramer: “For you, he would.”
Kid: “Would he hit two home runs?”
Kramer: “Two? Uh.. sure kid, yeah. But then you gotta promise you’ll do something for me.”
Kid: “I know. Get out of this bed and walk again.”
Kramer: “Yeah, that would be nice, but I really just need this card.”

(later)
Kramer: “Oh, by the way, George. Tomorrow night, Paul O’Neill has to catch a fly ball in his hat.”

OK, just finished up my shrimp lo mein and egg rolls. Gonna put the leftovers in the fridge and maybe get in bed early. As I was telling someone earlier this evening, when I was a kid, I hated leftovers. Now, as a bachelor, leftovers are like sacred treasure. Then after I said that, I wondered what exactly is sacred treasure. Oh well. My fortune tonight? “A cheerful letter or message is on its way to you.” Oh yeah? Well, it better be pretty freakin’ cheerful.

“We cannot live together. We cannot live apart. That’s the situation. We’ve known it from the start. Everytime that I look at you, I can see the future…”

Today, Thanksgiving. Tomorrow…

A new section of links has been added to the sidebar. Notice anything different? O:-)

I hope that you all had a good Thanksgiving. This year was a bit different for me, but I won’t go into that. The food was good, had plenty to eat, and of course Mom sent home leftovers that I will be enjoying for the next few days.

This day always makes me think of so many things and brings to mind so many memories. I always think of Thanksgivings past. I think of family members who were here then, but now are gone. When I was a kid, I would always try to talk enough people into playing football out in the yard. After enough pestering, I could usually round up a handful of cousins and uncles for a game which always seemed too short to me. I think of those who can’t be home for the holidays. I think of anyone who might spend this day alone, never seeing another person all day. I hope that there aren’t very many people who experience that, but I am sure there are some. As wonderful and lively as the holidays are, I imagine that they can be very lonely and depressing for some. I hate that. Even today, I thought of a friend who might not have anywhere to go or anyone to spend Thanksgiving with, but did I call? I thought about it a couple of times, but just never did. When I was younger, I always looked forward to the seeing family aspect of the holidays. Even as I got into my teens, I would always try to get Mom to invite people over for Memorial Day, Labor Day, any holiday that most people get off of work.

Watched a little bit of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade this morning. To me, that sort of signifies the beginning of the holiday season. Miracle On 34th Street was on TV this morning, too. My favorite Christmas movie. Watched most of A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving tonight. And of course, I watched football most all day. Would have been a much better day if the Cowboys kicker could make a freakin’ 34-yard field goal! But anyway, the holidays are here. I enjoy being out amongst the crowds and shopping for Christmas. I like the decorations, the lights, Santa in the mall, the cold, the snow. (Not that we get much of the latter two.) I like it all. Everyone seems to be so busy and in such a hurry. It’s easy to forget to stop and enjoy it. When I was a kid, Thanksgiving til Christmas seemed to take six months. Lately, it seems more like…

Today, Thanksgiving. Tomorrow, Christmas Eve. By the time I can reach out and grab it, I know it’ll be already gone.

“By now in New York City, there’s snow on the ground. And out in California, the sunshine’s falling down. And maybe down in Memphis, Graceland’s all in lights…”

Today, Thanksgiving. Tomorrow…

A new section of links has been added to the sidebar. Notice anything different? O:-)

I hope that you all had a good Thanksgiving. This year was a bit different for me, but I won’t go into that. The food was good, had plenty to eat, and of course Mom sent home leftovers that I will be enjoying for the next few days.

This day always makes me think of so many things and brings to mind so many memories. I always think of Thanksgivings past. I think of family members who were here then, but now are gone. When I was a kid, I would always try to talk enough people into playing football out in the yard. After enough pestering, I could usually round up a handful of cousins and uncles for a game which always seemed too short to me. I think of those who can’t be home for the holidays. I think of anyone who might spend this day alone, never seeing another person all day. I hope that there aren’t very many people who experience that, but I am sure there are some. As wonderful and lively as the holidays are, I imagine that they can be very lonely and depressing for some. I hate that. Even today, I thought of a friend who might not have anywhere to go or anyone to spend Thanksgiving with, but did I call? I thought about it a couple of times, but just never did. When I was younger, I always looked forward to the seeing family aspect of the holidays. Even as I got into my teens, I would always try to get Mom to invite people over for Memorial Day, Labor Day, any holiday that most people get off of work.

Watched a little bit of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade this morning. To me, that sort of signifies the beginning of the holiday season. Miracle On 34th Street was on TV this morning, too. My favorite Christmas movie. Watched most of A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving tonight. And of course, I watched football most all day. Would have been a much better day if the Cowboys kicker could make a freakin’ 34-yard field goal! But anyway, the holidays are here. I enjoy being out amongst the crowds and shopping for Christmas. I like the decorations, the lights, Santa in the mall, the cold, the snow. (Not that we get much of the latter two.) I like it all. Everyone seems to be so busy and in such a hurry. It’s easy to forget to stop and enjoy it. When I was a kid, Thanksgiving til Christmas seemed to take six months. Lately, it seems more like…

Today, Thanksgiving. Tomorrow, Christmas Eve. By the time I can reach out and grab it, I know it’ll be already gone.

“By now in New York City, there’s snow on the ground. And out in California, the sunshine’s falling down. And maybe down in Memphis, Graceland’s all in lights…”

Lookie, lookie, lookie…

Look what I found: Robin Scorpio’s blog (Yes! From General Hospital! Thank me later…)

And don’t forget, the Seinfeld DVD’s came out today! I’m sure there’s a Seinfeld fan somewhere on your holiday list.

OK, I’m not quite sure where to start with today’s story, so… I’ll just start. I was chatting with a friend yesterday about nothing in particular, when the conversation suddenly took an interesting turn…
Her: “Did I tell you that my pest control boy asked me out, and then like three weeks later he came and sprayed and kissed me when he left? WTF?” (*NOTE: “WTF” is a common internet phrase, usually indication a state of disbelief or bewilderment brought about by an unexpected occurrence.)
Me: “Whoa! No you did not. That’s hilarious. Can I blog that?”
Her: “I guess.”
Me: “On the lips?”
Her: “With tongue!”
Me: “Wow! So are you doubling up on your pest control coverage now?”
Her: “You better believe it.”
Me: “So did you go out with him?”
Her: “No.”
Me: “It’s kinda like on Seinfeld that time when Jerry dates his maid. She comes over, doesn’t clean, they sleep together, and he pays her before she leaves.”
Her: “Well, he does spray and we didn’t sleep together.”
Me: “So he asked you out, you didn’t go, and he comes over to spray for bugs and just kisses you? I think I’ve seen stuff like this on the internet, www.eroticexterminators.com.

Meanwhile, in a town not too far away, I had stopped off at the grocery store this afternoon to pick up a few things. I was over in frozen foods, where I had just selected a frozen pizza and placed in my cart, when I noticed a lady looking right at me, almost like she knew me. “I hate to bother you,” she said. “But there’s a carton of vanilla ice cream on the top shelf way in the back,” she continued, pointing. “Do you mind seeing if you could reach it for me?” Now, let me just say here, that we as men love situations like this. If a man says he doesn’t, he’s either lying, or just a jerk. As Seinfeld said, we all kinda think of ourselves as some sort of low-level superheroes in our own world. Anyhow, back to our story…

I sprang into action, seizing the desired frozen dairy product with little difficulty, and handing it to the fair maiden awaiting at my side. She thanked me, and I proceeded down the aisle, which I suddenly noticed was populated with several females. And they all seemed to be looking my way in admiration. (OK, so maybe I just imagined the “in admiration” part.) I know it’s not that big of a deal, but hey, we can’t all be kissing bandits. And those shelves are kind of high. And fairly deep. Not many tall, virile young men in the grocery store at 4 in the afternoon. Perhaps I’ll start stopping by more often.

“There will be no white flag above my door. I’m in love, and always will be…”

Lookie, lookie, lookie…

Look what I found: Robin Scorpio’s blog (Yes! From General Hospital! Thank me later…)

And don’t forget, the Seinfeld DVD’s came out today! I’m sure there’s a Seinfeld fan somewhere on your holiday list.

OK, I’m not quite sure where to start with today’s story, so… I’ll just start. I was chatting with a friend yesterday about nothing in particular, when the conversation suddenly took an interesting turn…
Her: “Did I tell you that my pest control boy asked me out, and then like three weeks later he came and sprayed and kissed me when he left? WTF?” (*NOTE: “WTF” is a common internet phrase, usually indication a state of disbelief or bewilderment brought about by an unexpected occurrence.)
Me: “Whoa! No you did not. That’s hilarious. Can I blog that?”
Her: “I guess.”
Me: “On the lips?”
Her: “With tongue!”
Me: “Wow! So are you doubling up on your pest control coverage now?”
Her: “You better believe it.”
Me: “So did you go out with him?”
Her: “No.”
Me: “It’s kinda like on Seinfeld that time when Jerry dates his maid. She comes over, doesn’t clean, they sleep together, and he pays her before she leaves.”
Her: “Well, he does spray and we didn’t sleep together.”
Me: “So he asked you out, you didn’t go, and he comes over to spray for bugs and just kisses you? I think I’ve seen stuff like this on the internet, www.eroticexterminators.com.

Meanwhile, in a town not too far away, I had stopped off at the grocery store this afternoon to pick up a few things. I was over in frozen foods, where I had just selected a frozen pizza and placed in my cart, when I noticed a lady looking right at me, almost like she knew me. “I hate to bother you,” she said. “But there’s a carton of vanilla ice cream on the top shelf way in the back,” she continued, pointing. “Do you mind seeing if you could reach it for me?” Now, let me just say here, that we as men love situations like this. If a man says he doesn’t, he’s either lying, or just a jerk. As Seinfeld said, we all kinda think of ourselves as some sort of low-level superheroes in our own world. Anyhow, back to our story…

I sprang into action, seizing the desired frozen dairy product with little difficulty, and handing it to the fair maiden awaiting at my side. She thanked me, and I proceeded down the aisle, which I suddenly noticed was populated with several females. And they all seemed to be looking my way in admiration. (OK, so maybe I just imagined the “in admiration” part.) I know it’s not that big of a deal, but hey, we can’t all be kissing bandits. And those shelves are kind of high. And fairly deep. Not many tall, virile young men in the grocery store at 4 in the afternoon. Perhaps I’ll start stopping by more often.

“There will be no white flag above my door. I’m in love, and always will be…”