Plans for the 4th?

So what is everyone doing for the 4th of July? We are trying to come up with some ideas. Something besides just going to Point Mallard to watch the fireworks.

Bad Dream
I had a terrible dream last night. I dreamed Pablo’s aquarium was leaking out of one of the bottom corners. I was running late for something and really needed to leave, but the water was draining out fast. He was just like panicking I could tell. I had the little bowl that I bought him in, but for some reason, I didn’t want to put him in there. Then I went to the kitchen but all the bowls were colored. I wanted something clear so he could see out. Well, all the water ran out and he ended up on the floor somewhere. I thought he was dead :-( But I picked him up with his little net and put him in some water, and he sprang to life.

When I woke up this morning, the first thing I did was look over at his aquarium. He was swimming around waiting for me to get up :-)

Look Mom, No Spinner!
As we were trying to plan something for the 4th, someone suggested playing Twiste. That brought to mind the lakehouse trip. One night while we were there, we found a Twister box. Well, the mat was in there, but the spinner was missing. So, resourceful as we are, Shane called out random instructions while Kyle, Tammy, Melody, and I played. It was umm… interesting. Especially when Shane called out a color that wasn’t on the board.

Four Three Two One day weekend
In other news, I met up with K and J-Mo for dinner last night. I have decided to take off work tomorrow. So you’re probably thinking a four-day weekend, right? Well, no. I have to work Saturday. AND Monday. HUSQVARNAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! Anyway, I am pretty well exhausted from all that has been going on lately. I’ve been working six days ever since the beach trip. *whine whine* Need to get out of this place for awhile. I’m ready for another road trip.

“And you know it might not be that bad. You were the best I ever had. If I hadn’t blown the whole thing years ago, I might not be alone…”

That City

That city will always be her. I have let go of the past. I have come to realize and accept what will never be. But I still remember. Everytime I drive thru that city, I am reminded all over again. She haunts the city streets. I can feel her. Everywhere.

Even before I reach the city, I think of all the times she must have made this very same trip. And it always gives me the same feeling, an odd mingling of emotions. Same place, different time.

I always wonder the same things while I am here. Where did she live? Did she walk these very streets that I am walking now? I pass a convenience store and wonder if she ever stopped there. I stop to eat at a little corner cafe. I wonder if she ever came here. And I wish that now was then, and that she was here.

The people I pass, the faces I see, I wonder if they ever knew her, one person in a sea of a million. Did the wind ever blow her hair into a mess? I imagine that it did, and I smile. Did she ever go to the movies alone? I think how that should never have happened, and it makes me a little sad.

I wonder if she ever got lonesome while she was here. She surely must have missed home. When she thought of home, did she ever think of me?

Before I know it, the day is drawing to a close and it is time to go. Leaving the city is a little bit like leaving her, losing her, all over again. Because part of her is still here, and always will be. I miss her more when I am here than when I am not. And yet I keep coming back again and again and again…

I have picked up most of the pieces, the ones that I could find anyway. I have learned to live with my mistakes. I try and concentrate on the present, and the future. On what is, and what might be, rather than what will never be. But that city… that city will always be her.

“And there were things I saw that I’m not proud of. Things that I’d do different now from then. But when I really make myself get honest, it’s over, and I can’t go back again…”

Cops On Location: Part 47

Whatcha gonna do when they come for you
I was on the phone with Amber last night when I saw blue lights through the blinds in my big front window. This is it, I thought. They’ve finally come for me. Well, just as I was about ready to go set fire to my hard drive and flush a few things down the toilet, I looked out to see that they were at the house across the street. For some reason, hooligans apparently tend to rent out that house. I assume they have lots of domestic disturbances or something. I’m not really sure. Things are getting rough around da hood. The other night I came in about 11:00 and a man was in the street in front of that house with a flashlight. He was staring at me. So I parked and ran inside as fast as I could. I’m too young to get shot. And too mentally fragile to be molested.

“Yeast” infection
In other news, I got some tires put on my truck yesterday. The DMV was about ready to use my vehicle in an instructional video on hydroplaning. I just wanted to see if I could get them nice and smooth like NASCAR tires. I went running after that. Then last night, I was going to fix some pizza pita pocket thingies, only to discover my pita bread had molded. Man, I could almost taste them, too! But that’s about as close to a yeast infection as I plan to get.

This brings me to another topic. I throw away an uncivilized amount of bread. Being single, and not eating that many sandwiches anyway, I ususally get no more than three or four slices into a loaf. And I already buy the Bunny Bread half loaves. But still I end up throwing 80 or 90% of it away. Does anyone else experience this? I don’t like refrigerating my bread, because it doesn’t taste as fresh like that to me.

Product recommendation
For pesky bathroom stains, or just to take some skin off your hand, I recommend Lime Away. I had bought some a few weeks ago, but just used it for the first time Sunday night on the tub. Wow! It’s the best cleaner I’ve come across. And my tub was like a Museum of Natural Mildew History. Just be careful. I imagine it could possibly be damaging to stainless steel or other materials. And be sure to use gloves. Of course, I didn’t dilute it at all. Just straight from the bottle, the hard stuff… two hundred proof.

“She let herself go, buy a brand new car. Drove down to the beach, he always said was too far. Sand sure felt good between her toes…”

That’s why I’m easy

I like to set very low and attainable goals for myself. For instance, here’s one. Take next breath. And… there we go. See? It’s easy. Some people set very unattainable goals. What about those people who say, “Reach for the stars.” Why try something you know you’re never going to succeed at? I mean, come on people, the stars are like a hundred miles away or something. You’re just begging to fail.

Friday
I hope you all had a good weekend. Mine was fairly busy. Went to eat Friday night, where Donna unloaded a new one on me. I can’t recall what context this was in, but at some point, she said she thought that I would be easy… as in, whorish, unchaste. I was just wondering what made her think that. Anywho, then Kristina told the story of the week. She said a friend of her called her a few weeks ago to see if she wanted to go walking at Wilson Morgan. Well, when she got there, her friend had already walked a lap and told her that there were two hot guys running the track with their shirts off. So when they ran into the guys, guess who it turned out to be. You guessed it! Kristina was like, “Oh, that’s just Bone and Kyle.” It was funny as all get out. (And that’s pretty funny.) You know, a couple of colorful analogies would’ve spiffed up that story, but my vocabulary is as bad as… like… well, whatever.

Saturday
I had to work until 1:00. Then helped S & K film a wedding and reception. Instead of the traditional wedding march or whatever for the recessional, they kicked in some “Sweet Home Alabama.” That was kinda cool. Weddings always make me want to get married. Well, most of the time anyway. The reception got done a little before 6:00. Man, I could eat those little cheese cubes and strawberries and cream all night long. After that, shot a little pool. Then Kyle got “the call,” so he headed to Gadsden. I stopped by Matt’s for a bit, and got home kinda late.

Sunday
I was gone pretty much all day from 9:00 until about 8:30 tonight. We had a big gathering for lunch, and there was this older gentleman there that I probably haven’t seen in five years, maybe more. I wasn’t even sure he’d recognize me because I remember he’d had some health problems, too. But he did. And one of the things he asked me was, “How have you managed to keep one of these girls from catching you all these years?” I thought for a second, looked around at the three or four other people sitting at his table and said, “You know, it’s really not as hard as you think.” Ah, I love those questions. Anyway, what little time I’ve had this weekend, I’ve spent looking at my template. Evidently, it is a Blogger problem. I’ve seen several other people post about it. Hopefully, they will have it fixed soon, as I still haven’t figured out a good work-around.

Two random things
-I want to go see Batman Begins.
-I think I would watch Picture Pages if it still came on. I just like magic markers.

So all I need is a girl for one, and Bill Cosby for the other. That shouldn’t be too difficult.

“You, tryin’ to flex on me? Don’t be silly…”

Enlarged font

Well, I seem to be suffering from an enlarged font. It mysteriously grew overnight… like a chia pet. I’m not sure what happened. I don’t like this at all.

EDIT (6/27/05 2:00 PM): Blogger has finally addressed the “clear:both;” code issue. They posted this on the Blogger Status page:

Monday, June 27, 2005

The launch of Blogger Images required a bit of new code that is causing some users annoying layout problems. Before launch, the templates passed our tests but because of the open nature of Blogger templates, we weren’t sure which kinds of template modifications were going to be affected. We’re hammering out the solution now and we’ll update our help site with some workarounds today.

Meanwhile, some possible workarounds have been posted on bloggerforums.com.

We’ll keep America looking good

If I were a giraffe, I am sure I would get tired of all the long-neck jokes. So everywhere I walked, I would slobber on people. I would be like “Oops! Sorry about drooling on you down there.”

Well, happy Thursday to you all. Not a lot has been going on with me. I tried to catch a short nap yesterday. Unfortunately, the apartment kids had decided to play one of their favorite games, where they all run around and scream at the top of their lungs for a few hours. That’s one of my favorites that they play. Had dinner last night at Applebees. Pablo and I are doing pretty well. I feed him twice a day, but he still acts hungry all the time. Everytime I walk in the room, he’ll come over to the corner of his tank and just sit there, looking at me. He’s so funny. Sometimes I’ll catch him “asleep.” I’ll sit and stare at him for a few seconds, and all of a sudden, he’ll come alive and swim around. It’s very cute.

The Pooper Scooper: Learn to love it
OK, if you must bring your dog out to our public parks, please do us all a gargantuan favor. Invest in a pooper scooper and learn to use it. This has become a huge problem at Wilson Morgan lately, where people let their dogs “go” all over the place and then just walk away like there’s not a big pile of crap on the ground. Everytime I run, there are little land mines everywhere on the track. So now, sometimes when I see someone with a dog, I’ll just randomly yell out, “Pooper Scooper!!” Look, it’s simple. If your dog defacates, clean it up! It’s just common courtesy. And besides, it’s the law. Or if not, it certainly should be. You wouldn’t just let doggie poo lie around on your floor at home would you? Well, since this is a public park, it belongs to all of us. It’s not your pet’s personal toilet. So please, a pooper scooper and a garbage bag. And we’ll keep America…. looking good. Hoo-hoo!

The Pig Man
“The Bris” episode of Seinfeld was on last night:

George: “Hey, why are all those people milling around my car?”
Kramer: “They’re all looking up.”
George: “Hey, there’s a guy up on the roof.”
Kramer: “Whoa. That’s the guy that I told where the elevator was.”
George: “I hope he doesn’t jum-”

Kramer: “Wait, George. You got room in the car for the pig man?”
George: “The pig man can take the bus.”
Kramer: “George, if the pig man had a car, he would give you a ride.”
George: “How do you know that? What if pig man had a two-seater?”
Kramer: “Be realistic, George.”
George: “I’ll tell you what, if pig-man shows up, we’ll squeeze him in.”

“I tell you something, I know what you’re thinking. I tell you something, I know what you’re thinking…”

In the news…

Happy birthday today to Lindsay Wagner. Wow, she was hot as the bionic woman. How do you go from crushing tennis balls with your bare hand to not even being able to get a good night’s sleep? I guess with all those mechanical parts it’s hard to get some solid shuteye. Perhaps you’d like to help me figure out my sleep number, baby?

Well, my artesian well of sparkling blog material is apparently bone dry. It’s as barren as Keanu Reeves Oscar shelf. These blog days of summer are sapping my creative forces like the red sun of Krypton saps Superman’s super powers. I guess we all go thru dry spells. So I thought I’d share a few links today…

Fear Factor Coming To Huntsville

That’ll be kinda cool. I guess. Although I would prefer Dog Eat Dog, because that hostess chick is H-O-T!

Man Thrown From Water Ride At Amusement Park

(excerpt) “The car the five were riding in went down an incline and into a basin that was supposed to be filled with water but was apparently empty.”

Looks like that would be on the checklist, doesn’t it? Like #1… “Be sure to fill basin with water.”

And then there’s this. Obviously a serious story. But an officer named Constable? You’ve gotta be kidding me! That’s like an ice cream man named Cone.

Hope you are all enjoying this second day of summer. Now, back to work. w-w-w-dot-g-o-o-g-l-e-dot-c-o-m… click “images”… b-r-o-o-k-e-space-b-u-r-n-s… click “search images”… what?

“She’s watchin’ him with those eyes. And she’s lovin’ him with that body, I just know it. And he’s holdin’ her in his arms late at night…”

Spring 2005: Out With A Bang

Well, we had storms here tonight. The power was out for nearly half an hour. It went out just as I had dinner in the oven. Nice. Little things like that just make life so much more enjoyable. Hope everyone had a Happy Father’s Day. I know I did. I saw every single one of my kids yesterday. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a dad. Then I hear the screams outside my window from the Romper-Room-on-location that is my apartment complex, and I’m over it. You know it’s just another holiday to make people who don’t have kids, don’t have dads, don’t know where their dads are, etc. think about their lives. Why aren’t there holidays for single people? What would be wrong with a (Cute) Single Mothers Day? People With No Kids Day? National Bachelorhood Day? Thanks For Not Over-Populating The World Day? There is marital bias in this country. Rampant marital bias.

Another weekend, another date
Had dinner with a female Friday night at Silver Point, a new place in Madison. Then we rented Napoleon Dynamite. That encouraged me to finally hook up my new DVD player… which I had received this past Christmas.

Saturday, I had to work 8-1. I was really tired so I came home and took a nap. Amber called and woke me up and said she was gonna stop by for a bit… and that she’d be there in a minute. I jumped up, put some clothes on, put my contacts in, and brushed my teeth, not necessarily in that order. Saturday night, shot some pool, ate at Logan’s, did a little Father’s Day shopping. Ran into a guy I used to work with back in the XKI days.

Sunday, my sister cooked lunch for Dad for Father’s Day, so I went over there to eat. I was giving Dad a hard time: “You know, I used to tell all the kids at school ‘my dad can beat up your dad.’ But now… I’m not so sure anymore.” Had dinner at the steak house Sunday night, then ran a little bit.

Game Five
Got home in time to watch the last part of Game 5 of the NBA Finals, or should I say the Robert Horry highlight reel. It was a really exciting and enjoyable game, especially since I was pulling for the Spurs. Tim Duncan was choking like an asthmatic chain smoker stuck in traffic behind a burned out 1978 Chevy Nova. He should buy Robert Horry a car or something. No, a house. No, no, a small tropical island. Horry saved his tail big time! Anyway, I just have to inform/remind everyone that Robert Horry played his college basketball at the University of Alabama :-) It was pretty funny the other night when Will Smith had a pregame concert. They were showing highlights on ESPN, and Big Willy was dancing with a fly girl or something. One of the anchors was like, “Man, that Robert Horry is gettin’ down!”

UPS Meets The Fugitive
Am I the only one who finds the UPS commercial with the lady who jumps off the building and lands on the truck a little bit odd? I mean, she’s seemingly running for her life, either from some dangerous criminals or from the authorities. I can’t really tell. Then she leaps blindly off a tall building and lands on top of a UPS truck. Was there nothing more realistic and relevant to the shipping industry and everyday life that they could come up with than this? Is this the best possible way to show that you are always on time? Why not have a guy in the electric chair, scheduled to be fried at 12:01, but his stay of execution arrives at 12:00 on the dot via UPS? That would be funnier to me.

You had to be there…
“Of course, I think it’s against the law to take minors across state lines.”
“No… really!?”
“Well, it was five years ago.”

“So you recommend The Notebook, huh?”
“Yes, but I bawled my eye out.”
“Your eye?”
“Eyes!”
“Was it sadder than City of Angels?”
“Yes.”
“Was it sadder than Mister Holland’s Opus?”
“Yes.”
“What about Rocky 4, when Apollo died, was it sadder than that?”
“Yes.”
“What about Old Yeller? No way it was sadder than Old Yeller.”

OK, I was up late watching the game, so hopefully I can get in bed a little earlier tonight. Aaaaahhh!! The Seinfeld is coming on where George wants to be called T-Bone!!! This is where my nickname began! It was T-Bone until two or three years ago when Belle (allegedly) shortened it to Bone. I hope you’re all watching. This is history.

In honor of the summer solstice and the uncanny Will Smith/Robert Horry resemblance…

“Think of the summers of the past. Adjust the base and let the alpine blast. Pop in my CD and let me run a rhyme, and put your car on cruise and lay back cos this is summertime…”

Steven Wright

Steven Wright is one of my favorite comedians. He was on Craig Ferguson the other night, but I fell asleep before he came on. If you have never heard him, I would encourage you to check him out. I figured I would share some of his jokes for your entertainment on this fine Friday. Of course, his deadpan delivery is what makes a lot of this so hilarious, but nevertheless, this is the best I can do since my webcam was confiscated by the FBI.

– I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
– I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.
– How young can you die of old age?
– I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I’m the only one moving.
– I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
– I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
– I got up one morning and couldn’t find my socks, so I called Information. She said, “Hello, Information.” I said, “I can’t find my socks.” She said, “They’re behind the couch.” And they were.
– Babies don’t need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I’ll go over to them and say, “What are you doing here? You’ve never worked a day in your life!”
– Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.
– I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold out. The weatherman said, “I don’t understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.” I said “Oops.”
– If one synchronized swimmer drowns…
– Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
– I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world. Perhaps you’ve seen it.
– Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?
– I filled out an application the other day that said, “In Case Of Emergency, Notify”. I wrote “Doctor.” What’s my mother going to do?
– I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, “Steven, time to go to sleep.” I said, “But I don’t know how.” She said, “It’s real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left.” So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity, I hung a right. My mother was there. She said, “I thought I told you to go to sleep.”
– My girlfriend’s weird. One day she asked me, “If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?” I said, “No.” She said, “OK, nevermind then.”

Hope you all have a terrific weekend and a Happy Father’s Day!

“I got ketchup on my blue jeans. I just burned my hand. Lord it’s hard to be a bachelor man…”

The great tennis ball shortage of 2005

Figured I’d take a break from chatting online with the ladies and drawing pictures of ligers to satisfy your need for bloggage…

Oh, don’t forget to vote in my latest fun poll over there to the right ;-)

Hot, hot, hot!
Well, as David Letterman has been saying the past few days, it’s been hot as nuts around here. I’m not even real sure what that means. I went running Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, but not yesterday. A weird thing has happened with my knee. After I stopped wearing the little support band, beginning with my race, my knee will start twinging (Is that a word? Present participle of twinge?) about three-quarters of a mile in. I’ll ignore it for a bit, then it will stop and my knee will have this numb feeling the rest of the run. I’ll notice it still being numb in the shower after my run, then the feeling will come back. Wonder why that is?

K and I played tennis at Wilson Morgan Tuesday. By played tennis, I mean, swung rackets and ran around the court and outside the fence retrieving wn balls. I tell you what, 6 PM on a weeknight is prime time to meet some hotties up there. They were all over the place, like ants on a popsicle. Fortunately, I managed to evade them all, cos I’m quick like that. Can’t let anything interrupt my tennis concentration. I could probably use a new racket. I thought my current one would be OK for another year, but I had no idea we were gonna get this good this quickly.

The great tennis ball search
Speaking of tennis balls, I stopped by the mall one day last week to pick up some new balls. Well, the girl at Hibbett’s informed me, “We no longer carry tennis stuff.” So I was like, “Oh yeah, well why don’t you go eat a decroded piece of crap?” OK, so I didn’t really say that, but it would’ve been funny, don’t you think. It’s frickin’ June! You’re a frickin’ sporting goods store! The only reason I went in there in the first place was because it takes so long to go to Wal-Mart and walk two acres back to the sporting goods section. Their balls are like twice as high as Wal-Mart anyway. Anyhow, I went down to Sears, thinking they would have some. But no. Their sporting goods section has been reduced to nothing more than a few weights, four or five treadmills, and a couple of basketballs. I was about to give up and just use the old balls when I walked by KayBee Toys and saw some rubber balls in a bin near the front of the store. So I walked in and asked the girl working there if they had tennis balls. She said she thought so and yelled to another girl who worked there, a hottie who was up on a ladder. The hottie directed me to the balls. So, I got a can of tennis balls and the hottie’s phone number. Or… just got the tennis balls. All’s well that ends well.

The diaper story
I listen to Mike & Mike on ESPN Radio in the mornings, because, well, I’m a guy. Well, they told this story the other morning that had me rolling. Greenie (Mike Greenberg) had called Golic over the weekend to tell him that his baby had soiled it’s diaper while in the swimming pool. Greenie had cleared out the pool for half an hour and called Golic to ask him if he thought it was safe to get back in yet. Oh man, I was rolling. So Golic was letting him have it, telling him it was all contained in the diaper and the chemicals cleansed the pool anyway. But Greenie was joking (I think) that he was never going to swim in the pool again and was going to sell the house, saying he had a little problem with bathing in raw sewage.

“She was a day tripper, a one way ticket, yeah. It took me so long to find out, and I found out…”