Lucky Seven

Well, I know you’re anxiously awaiting my exclusive rankings for tonight’s American Idol. Considering the theme, 70’s dance music, I thought tonight’s performances were very good overall. Paula was high again tonight, so it was all good. I had never heard of any of the songs, so that’s probably good, too. There’ll be no favorite-song-bias. Here I goeth:

1. Vonzell – It was really tough picking the best of the night. She probably didn’t have the best vocal performance, but overall, appearance, stage presence, song choice, and vocals, she was very strong. Looked good in those jeans, too.

2. Bo – I think I’m letting the judges influence me here, because I didn’t think it was all that awesome. When I first heard what the theme was for tonight, I was really nervous about how he was going to do. But he did have a very strong performance tonight after two or three bad weeks.

3. Constantine – He has slipped into that zone where he’s so comfortable on stage, it’s not like he’s competing, he’s performing. He doesn’t just sing a song, he puts on a complete performance, love it or hate it. And I still think he has been the best overall since his “I Think I Love You” disaster.

4. Anthony – OK, this was his best performance. I thought his song choice was the best of the night. All his performances are starting to sound the same though. He always has this light-hearted pleasant sunshiny voice, week after week, no matter the song. He seems to have finally gotten comfortable on stage, but after so many poor performances, I don’t know if he can still win. I guess it depends on if you vote based on the most recent performance, or overall.

5. Anwar – It’s like Wayne Brady grew long hair and tried out for American Idol. I like Anwar. He’s not bad, really. He just doesn’t do anything to really set himself apart. He’s pretty consistent though.

6. Carrie – I keep waiting for this great, knock-your-socks-off performance from her. She’s a very pretty girl. I mean, she looked hot in her interview, but most of the time for her performance, her outfit and/or hair is just goofy. And I drop her from about 4th to 6th for that. She DID look like a Barbie. She just needs to be natural. She needs a theme where she can get back to singing country. I think it might do her good if she was in the bottom three tomorrow night. I don’t think she’s been there yet, and it might serve as a wake-up call.

7. Scott – OK, if it wasn’t clear tonight, then it never will be. He is clearly three steps below everyone else on the vocal talent scale. The thing is, he didn’t do badly. I thought this was one of his better performances. It’s just that, it became clear to me tonight, this is as far as he can and should go.

So there you go. It might be hard to swallow, but that’s what I thought. Who do you guys think will be voted off this week?

I’ll be seein’ ya when I see ya. Seacrest out!

“You’re not the best thing that I knew. Never was. Never cared too much for all this hanging around. It’s just the same thing all the time. Never get what I want. Never get too close to the end of the line…”

American Idol Poll Results

Here are the results from the latest IYROOBTY fun poll:

Who do you think should win American Idol?
1. Constantine (39.5%)
2. Carrie (34.2%)
3. Bo (23.7%)
4. Vonzell (2.6%)
5. Anwar (0.0%)
(tie) Scott (0.0%)
(tie) Anthony (0.0%)
Total votes: 38 (That’s only 20 or 30 million less than the actual show gets!)

Thanks for voting. I haven’t been able to think of a good idea for a new poll. Let me know if you have any ideas. Tonight’s the night, American Idol night in the Bone household. I hope Kerry’s live-blogging! I think I’m gonna fix tacos. However, it makes 12, and I can only possibly eat a maximum of 4, so I’ve gotta find someone to come over for dinner.

“Once upon a time, once when you were mine, I remember skies reflected in your eyes. I wonder where you are. I wonder if you think about me, once upon a time, in your wildest dreams…”

Minutial observations

(Movie preview guy voice) “Coming this fall: He already has two kids, but the third one is gonna blow your mind. Starring Britney Spears as herself. Kevin Federline IS The Impregginator. Rated R. Expected due date, September 2005. Special preview and sneak peek ultrasound coming soon to a National Enquirer near you.”

Interesting observations
– This was in the documentation that came with my antibiotic last week: “This medication may pass into breask milk. Therefore, consult your doctor before breast-feeding.” Hmm, that’s nice to know. Is that warning intended for the mother, or the baby, or me?

– There is a sign with like five or six rules which hangs in the front window of Bumpers, where I go to play pool from time to time. One of the rules is: “No soiled clothing allowed.” Is there a big problem with people missing pool shots and soiling themselves?

– So I’m watching CNN and you know how they have the stream running across the bottom of the screen with the latest news headlines. Well, I see this: “Earthquake strikes San Francisco. Kills more than 700. Ignites widespread fires.” And I’m thinking, why the crap aren’t they covering this, instead of running Crossfire? That is following by “, this date in 1906.” Sheesh, they really shouldn’t do that to me.

My weekend
Had dinner with some friends Friday night at the Barrell of Crack. Then watched the movie, Napoleon Dynamite. It was a little odd, but funny in parts. I worked Saturday until 1:00. Bunny was home from Virginia, so we met up with her and Cassie and went over to Bumpers (aka Bubba’s) to shoot pool. We played teams, and Cassie was pretty good, so she and I won most of the games. Yesterday, I was dying, so I came home from church, did laundry, and spent a good bit of time in bed. I don’t know what’s going on, but I may have to go back to the doctor. We’ll see.

Oh, before I go, actress Hayley Mills is 59 today. Happy birthday, Miss Bliss!

I think the Reds are on ESPN tonight. You have no idea how happy that maketh me. OK, now back to Gilmore Girls.

“And I don’t understand why I sleep all day, and I start to complain that there’s no rain. And all I can do is read a book to stay awake, and it rips my life away, but it’s a great escape…”

Are those keys in your pants, or…

Thursday night, I lost my keys. I mean, seriouslah, for like thirty minutes. I was going to run to Taco Bell and pick up a bite to eat around 9:30, but I couldn’t find my keys. My spare truck key stays in my truck, which makes a lot of sense. It’s on the same keyring with all my work keys, and I keep them in there so I won’t forget them when I come to work. Anyway, I looked everywhere they could possibly be, twice. Well, except for the mysterious tuppeware container in the fridge. I don’t dare open that thing. Yikes! I was honestly starting to think that I wasn’t going to be able to go to work Friday morning, because I couldn’t find my keys. Finally, around 10:00, I found them. Care to put forth a guesstimate as to where they were? They were in my pocket… my BACK pocket. Why did I put them there? I’m really not sure. Why didn’t I check there already? Well, because I think that is probably the first time in my entire life that I have ever put keys in my back pocket. Not only that, but I had already put my wallet in the same pocket, so they keys were in the bottom of my back pocket, under my wallet. Maybe I should get a European carry-all.

Things in my wallet
While weighing the pros and cons of getting a carry-all, I decided to make a list of things in my wallet at this very moment:
$71 cash
driver’s license
social security card
an “in case of emergency” card (which is blank)
pocket calendar from my auto insurance agent, with years 2002-2004
piece of paper with remote dial-up number and passcode for work
check card
expired check card
politician’s card
2 Applebee’s lunch-a-bunch cards
10 check card receipts
check book & transaction register
Blockbuster Video membership card
expired Books-a-million discount card
Movie Gallery membership card
Zales gold card
2 Wal-Mart/Sam’s Club cards (total remaining balance=$10.37)
2 Shell gift cards (total remaining balance=$101.53)
Blue Cross/Blue Shield membership card
2 State Farm auto insurance cards
5 Look Mom Video business cards
post-it note with my sister’s address
1 Visa platinum credit card (you charge enough stuff, they’ll make you gold, platinum, whatever)

Wow, that really seems like a lot once you list it like that. I think my wallet could win an award for the most efficient use of space. Guess I need to clean out some of this junk. Hang on a sec… OK, the check card receipts are gone. There, that’s much better. Hmm, I thought I used to have a Band-aid in there.

“I’m sorry but I’m just thinkin’ of the right words to say. I know they don’t sound the way I planned them to be. But if you wait around awhile, I’ll make you fall for me. I promise you…”

"Are you the guy that sings?"

While this may come as a surprise to some of you, or none of you, I don’t get asked that question very often. Actually, I think yesterday was the first time I have ever been asked that question. Allow me to elucidate, if you will. I had to stop by the accountant’s yesterday to pick up some final tax papers. The receptionist asked my name, and when I told her, this conversation ensued:

Her: “Oh, are you the guy that sings?”
Me: “Uh… no, I don’t think so.”
Her: “You’re not the one with the singing message on your answering machine?”
Me: “Oh! Yes. That’s me.”
Another lady has come into the office by this time and hears us and says, “We called back just to hear it again.”

For those who don’t know me, I am sure further explanation is needed. My answering machine message is me singing the same message that George has on his machine in “The Susie” episode of Seinfeld. It’s to the tune of the Greatest American Hero theme. If you’d like to hear it sometime, email me, I’ll send you my home number and you can call and I won’t answer :-)

Among the random messages I’ve gotten over the years are these:
“I actually dialed the wrong number, but I just wanted to let you know that is the funniest message I’ve ever heard.”

“It’s been like eleven years. Let it go.”

191
What does this number signify?
A) Days since I last had a date
B) My apartment number
C) Number of visitors to my blog yesterday
D) My weight
E) Number of times I voted for Jessica her last week on American Idol

While any of those would have been good guesses, the correct answer, I’m sad to say, is D. One hundred ninety-one freakin’ pounds!!! That’s only 9 away from 200! I gotta lose some weight. Maybe I could go on Oprah and have Richard Simmons come and help me. On a related note, I am planning to start back running this afternoon after work. It’ll be my first time to run in several weeks, since hurting my knee and then being sick.

Hi-C
Speaking of being sick, I finally went to the doctor Monday. He said I had a combination sinus infection/bronchitis, what I like to call Bronsinus. So he gave me some antibiotic and cough syrup (with hydrocodone). The nurse was telling me, “Now this cough medicine he has given you contains hydrocodone, so it might make you sleepy.” I was thinking, “Oh, don’t worry. I’m well-familiar with hydrocodone.” I like to refer to it as Hi-C.

Did anyone else notice that my bottom three matched up exactly to America’s votes this week on American Idol? That’ll never happen again. Boy, was I nervous when it came down to Bo and Nadia. Who’s next? I think Scott.

“That’s not the beginning of the end. That’s the return to yourself, the return to innocence…”

“Are you the guy that sings?”

While this may come as a surprise to some of you, or none of you, I don’t get asked that question very often. Actually, I think yesterday was the first time I have ever been asked that question. Allow me to elucidate, if you will. I had to stop by the accountant’s yesterday to pick up some final tax papers. The receptionist asked my name, and when I told her, this conversation ensued:

Her: “Oh, are you the guy that sings?”
Me: “Uh… no, I don’t think so.”
Her: “You’re not the one with the singing message on your answering machine?”
Me: “Oh! Yes. That’s me.”
Another lady has come into the office by this time and hears us and says, “We called back just to hear it again.”

For those who don’t know me, I am sure further explanation is needed. My answering machine message is me singing the same message that George has on his machine in “The Susie” episode of Seinfeld. It’s to the tune of the Greatest American Hero theme. If you’d like to hear it sometime, email me, I’ll send you my home number and you can call and I won’t answer :-)

Among the random messages I’ve gotten over the years are these:
“I actually dialed the wrong number, but I just wanted to let you know that is the funniest message I’ve ever heard.”

“It’s been like eleven years. Let it go.”

191
What does this number signify?
A) Days since I last had a date
B) My apartment number
C) Number of visitors to my blog yesterday
D) My weight
E) Number of times I voted for Jessica her last week on American Idol

While any of those would have been good guesses, the correct answer, I’m sad to say, is D. One hundred ninety-one freakin’ pounds!!! That’s only 9 away from 200! I gotta lose some weight. Maybe I could go on Oprah and have Richard Simmons come and help me. On a related note, I am planning to start back running this afternoon after work. It’ll be my first time to run in several weeks, since hurting my knee and then being sick.

Hi-C
Speaking of being sick, I finally went to the doctor Monday. He said I had a combination sinus infection/bronchitis, what I like to call Bronsinus. So he gave me some antibiotic and cough syrup (with hydrocodone). The nurse was telling me, “Now this cough medicine he has given you contains hydrocodone, so it might make you sleepy.” I was thinking, “Oh, don’t worry. I’m well-familiar with hydrocodone.” I like to refer to it as Hi-C.

Did anyone else notice that my bottom three matched up exactly to America’s votes this week on American Idol? That’ll never happen again. Boy, was I nervous when it came down to Bo and Nadia. Who’s next? I think Scott.

“That’s not the beginning of the end. That’s the return to yourself, the return to innocence…”

Duchovny 205, Bone 6

USA Today had a feature on celebrity blogs today. Here are a few to help you pass the time at work:

Pat Sajak I’d like to solve the puzzle. Blogosphere.

David Duchovny How is Mulder getting 205 comments on a single post? He can’t be that interesting. Let’s see you live blog a car stereo installation, buddy!

Britney Spears Once you enter the site, click on the “Love B” link on the menu to access her blog. She only posts a couple of times per month. Come on, Brit, we’re ALL busy. Perhaps she’ll check her site stats and see many referrals from If You Read Only One Blog This Year.

Rosie O’Donnell Wow, an actual blogger account.

Ian McKellen He’s got something to do with Lord Of The Rings. I’m not really sure.

“Man, I don’t know, where the time goes, but it sure goes fast, just like that…”

Idol Recap: The Elite Eight

Well, this week’s American Idol was much better than last week. I thought Constantine was far and away the best this week. Vonzell, Carrie, Anwar, and Anthony were all pretty close to each other in my opinion. I could have ranked any one of them anywhere from 2-5. I think overall, Constantine, Bo, Carrie, and Vonzell would be my final four. I would be OK if Nadia or Scott were the next to go. Here are my rankings for the night:

1. Constantine – Wow! He killed tonight. He has really come on the last two weeks and has blown Bo and Carrie out of the water. “Bohemian Rhapsody” was a great choice. Is it just me, or does the music, lighting, and atmosphere always seem to be better for his performances? He’s a little over-dramatic for my taste.

2. Vonzell – She is really growing on me. She never really has a terrible, terrible performance. But she hasn’t really been that great, either. I thought tonight was one of her best nights. She’s a pretty girl, too, which helps.

3. Carrie – Whoa! That was definitely different for Carrie. She was shakin’ it, which was about the time she got my vote. Great outfit. Oh, the song? She can’t get nearly as low as Benatar, but I thought she sang well. Well, I tend to agree with Simon’s analogy. She’s not comfortable with this type of music, but I give her an A for effort, and an A++ for appearance. So many people just act like she’s so far and away better than everyone else, but I just don’t see that in her performances. I mean, come on, we’re down to the final eight and she messed up the words again.

4. Anwar – Sometimes Anwar’s voice is smooth and soothing. Other times, it’s fingernails-on-a-chalkboard irritating. I think he did well tonight. I could put him anywhere from 3rd to 5th. They were all pretty close in my mind.

5. Anthony – Since I’ve been watching, this is by far his best performance. Actually, it’s his only decent performance that I can recall. But one decent night shouldn’t make up for ten weeks of crap. Still, he clearly has a lot of fans, and probably saved himself for another week. I just get the feeling that this is about as well as he can do.

6. Bo – OK, Bo has slipped the past two weeks. I’m sure the teenage girl vote will carry him thru, but he needs to pick it up. I think he sang OK, but the music wasn’t right or something. When I heard him announce he was singing “Freebird”, I thought, OK, this is Bo, he’s gonna rock. But then it was like he never completely just let go. Sounded too restrained. As for Simon telling him to do a popular song, what the crap? “Freebird” isn’t popular? You need to come to Alabama.

7. Scott – I didn’t like his interview at all. I feel like he’s about to whack somebody at any moment. He’s one who has trouble with the lower, starting notes everytime. He does OK on the big notes and when the song gets higher, but the verses are, as Simon might say, horrendous. But then again, he has such a great, fun-loving, happy attitude. (I hope you know that was blog sarcasm.) Simon better be careful, Scott is probably packin’ heat.

8. Nadia – The song was boring. She is just not likable to me. Perhaps its her labor-pain-face when she sings. And that dress!! Please make it stop. Cover my eyes!! I’ve seen way too much already.

“You say the weather in Atlanta is foggy and gray, work gets harder everyday, and your new boyfriend is holdin’ on too tight…”

Opryland Historical Tours

Announcing the all-new Opryland Historical Tours, by Bone. Come and relive the magic of Opryland USA. Tours are held Monday-Saturday, beginning at 9:00 AM, at the original location of the Grizzly River Rampage at the Opry Mills complex.

Each tour guide is arrayed in an original Opryland park employee outfit, and will share with you interesting stories, personal memories, and historical facts about the theme park. Each tour includes a a thirty minute video about Opryland USA, including footage shot by visitors to the park during its twenty-six years in operation.

After the video, you’ll be able to walk thru the river bed of what once was the Grizzly River Rampage, where you will have plenty of photo opportunities. You can also take pictures next to the “Opry Mills Sucks” and “Gaylord Stole My Childhood” signs.

And browse thru tons several items of Opryland memorabilia, including an original Tin Lizzie, a log from the Flume Zoom, a skee ball, a half-eaten slice of pizza from Julio’s, and some chicken wire from the park’s famous petting zoo.

Refreshments are available, including fruit-shaped fruit drinks, just like those sold at the original Opryland USA. So if you have fond memories of Opryland, or even if you never got to go to Opryland because your baby sister always got to go where she wanted on vacation, you will not want to miss the Opryland Historical Tour.

Legal disclaimer: Opryland Historical Tours is not liable for the actions of any guests. We will not be held responsible for any legal action that may be taken against you or any member of your party by Gaylord Entertainment or any of its subsidaries, nor any physical harm or trauma that may be caused by the Opry Mills rent-a-cops. By taking part in this tour, you may or may not be trespassing, but most likely are.

Well, that’s my dream. My entrepreneurial thought for the week. Or for the year. Whichever. For more info, check out last year’s post on Opryland Nostalgia.

“They put up a plant where we used to park. That old drive-in’s a new Wal-Mart. The cafe is closed, where our names were carved in that corner booth. Yeah, everything’s changed, except for the way I feel about you…”

Blog entries don’t grow on trees

I hear the whispers, the little comments. “Why haven’t you blogged today?” “Your blog is slipping.” “Retire, Bone. You just don’t have it anymore.” “My new boyfriend is a lot funnier than you.” Oh, wait. Well, my friends, coming up with a creative, funny, and interesting blog entry which stimulates the brain and delights the senses is not always easy.

Have I thought about giving it up? Sure. What blogger hasn’t? But I think I will know when it’s time to go, somehow. A great blog entry is like a 50-point game in the NBA. Late in Michael Jordan’s career, before retirement #2, you knew he wasn’t going to go for fifty every night. But you also knew that once in awhile, on a given night, he could still rediscover the magic. So, I’m still here. It’s just that the fifty point games don’t happen quite as often as they once did.

The weekend…
…was exhausting. Friday night included billiards, bowling, and cards. Got home about 1:30, then I had to work 10-5 on Saturday. That was about as fun as a rectal thermometer. Went to Huntsville Saturday night, bought some clothes at Old Navy and had dinner at Greenbrier, one of my favorite places to eat. I haven’t been feeling too well today. I think I may actually call and get a doctor’s appointment tomorrow.

And happy birthday to Jessica, who turned 24 yesterday.

Dialogue
“Well, I’ll see what she is willing to do… computer-wise, that is.”

“I drown mine out with lots of toothpaste.”
“Just don’t look at it before you put it in your mouth.”

“How long do you have?”
“Six minutes.”
“Well, that’s five minutes longer than I’ve ever talked to a girl.”

“I know they’ve all been talking ’bout me. I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think there must be something wrong, with me…”